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Pagani released teaser videos for their unpronounceable Huayra hypercar. Vauxhall tried to distract us from their ASA TV ad wrist slapping by announcing that their Lifetime Warranty applies to used cars as well as new ones. Ford unveiled a 3-4 hour charge, 100-mile range, 84mph electric Focus, on sale in 2013. And three Renault bosses were accused of industrial espionage.
Let’s get the obvious out of the way with first. Skoda haven’t made a rubbish car for a decade, and the Superb name is neither new or inaccurate, so don’t scoff at that either. Alright? Good. Now we can get on.
Based on last year’s all new saloon, this is the first ever Superb Estate – and it’s proper, genuinely, 100% totally bloody amazing. Not in a ‘oh yeah… that Skoda’s really brilliant… I mean, ha, fancy Skoda making a good car’ way. Not in a ‘I suppose it’s an impressive achievement considering its price’ way either. But in a ‘Shit. Really. Where an earth did that come from? Wow’ way. If you want an analogy, this is their iPhone – a product that does absolutely everything, redefining the brand all over again.
Seeing as sycophantic reviews always sound rubbish, we’ll stay factual, measured and objective… and being as it’s an estate, we’ll start with the boot. The Superb’s rear measures 633 litres with the seats up and 1865 litres with the seats down – massive. But unless you frequently carry around fresh air or litre bottles of water, that’s all meaningless. So have some reference points:
Volvo’s biggest current estate is the V70 – with the seats up it’s got a 575 litre boot, rising to 1600 when they’re down. So the Superb Estate has a bigger boot than the biggest Volvo. Fact. That also makes it bigger than an A6 Avant, new BMW 5 Touring, Ford Mondeo Estate, Vauxhall Insignia Sports Tourer and VW Passat Estate. In fact, the only estate on sale today with a bigger boot is the new Mercedes E-Class.
So we’ll use the big-E as a reference point for price, interior quality and equipment – a Mercedes is a tough benchmark for a Skoda to match after all. The cheapest Superb Estate is the 1.4 TSI at £18k, rising to the most expensive £30k 3.6 V6. The very cheapest E-Class Estate is also £30k, in the shape of the E200 CGI 4-cyl petrol. A handy comparison.
The interior of the Skoda is better to look at, nicer to touch and more intuitive to use than the Merc’s. Less tacky, better damped, more ergonomic. There’s more kit in it too, including the best touch screen entertainment system of any car on sale anywhere, standard fit sat nav and the flawless DSG gearbox from VW. If you want sat nav and auto in the Merc, you’ll need to spend another £2,500.
But you still won’t have the Skoda’s performance – the V6 has 260bhp and cracks 62mph in just 6.6 seconds. Through the gears, using the massive 258lb ft hunk of torque that’s spread right across the middle of the rev range, you’ll outrun most hot hatches that bother to try. The £30k Merc is 80bhp and 60lb ft down as well as two seconds slower to 62mph… a Merc with similar performance and similar kit costs over £40k. Crikey.
Of course though, you’d be a little mad to buy a brand new V6 car with an mpg figure in the 20s when petrol costs £1.20 a litre. As quick as it might be, it’s not worth the pleasure. What you should really get is the sensible 140bhp diesel which, even when you’ve added the DSG box, costs less than £25k in top-spec Elegance trim.
With the double clutch set-up, the diesel Superb is just as smooth as the V6, barely noisier, cracks 60mph in 10 secs and is still effortlessly torquey – but it’s quoted at 51.4mpg combined. The most economical, cheapest Merc estate diesel is over £6,000 more expensive, 5mpg worse off and only 1 second quicker to 62mph. Its auto box isn’t as smooth as the Skoda’s automated manual either.
Bored of the praise yet? Sorry. It’s nearly over. We’re labouring the point just to make sure you don’t under-estimate quite how brilliant the Skoda is. The E-Class Estate hasn’t been used because it’s an easy benchmark to beat and prove a point – it’s been used because it’s currently the best premium estate on sale, and because it therefore gets the closest to matching the Skoda’s ginormous spread of talent.
So, bad points then. Erm… literally? No. Space, refinement, speed, price, economy, ergonomics, equipment, quality and even styling are all beyond criticism. This is a real second coming for Skoda. After the revelation at the beginning of the last decade that they can make cars as good as anyone else, they’ve now gone and shown that they can actually make cars better than anyone else.
If you can think of another estate that can do everything the Superb does, please let us know. If not, then let’s all form a loyal band of disciples and worship the new Messiah of Estates. If Apple geeks can call the iPhone the Jesus phone, can’t us car geeks call the Superb Estate the Jesus car? You don’t get a brolly in the door of an iPhone anyway.
Apparently, 1 in 5 Panda cars are Vauxhall Astras – they’re more popular amongst British cops than big hats and a slightly condescending tone. So get used to keeping an eye out for this:
Vauxhall’s sixth Astra is making its way onto British Police fleets and it’s better suited than ever for the hard graft of duty. Not just because it’s got loads of cubby holes for storing Greggs pasties either. The interior doesn’t need any modification to accomodate all the exciting data panels, radios or control panels, and there even appears to be a special place to store a tiny little hammer that can be used to donk baddies on the head with. How much do you want to find out what all the buttons do? Very much indeed, that’s right.
So while cop cars like the Evo X, Focus ST and the Italian’s recently crashed Gallardo get all the press, spare a thought for the humble, hard working Vauxhall Astra – it catches more crims in a week than Gene Hunt does in an entire series. Respect.
Volkswagen announced a new in-house performance brigade, Volkswagen R GmbH, who’ll make their quick cars. Vauxhall introduced new threadbare ‘Expression’ and ‘ES’ spec levels to its range, dropping starting prices by up to £3,675. Honda announced the recall of 412,000 cars in America because of ‘soft brakes’. And there were more suggestions that the drink-drive limit could be lowered.
As frog faced and squidgy looking as the current Micra is, and as much as that might have scared away some core grannies, surely the Nissan Micra should look more interesting than this?
There’s something unpretentiously desirable about a quick Skoda – especially when it’s running the same 177bhp twincharger engine as the excellent Ibiza Cupra. There’s even going to be an estate version of this £16k hot hatch.
A lot of people were making inappropriate sexual noises as they walked passed Alfa’s new Focus rival – we can only assume it was because of the models. Promises of Golf rivalling quality aside, we think the Giulietta looks a bit awkard. Like a pigeon with piles.
Now based on the Zafira, the Meriva has gone posh with a smart interior and trick suicide doors. Gimmick or not, Rolls Royce style entry apertures are what car buying humans like to show off to their mates – it’s a smart move.
So many naff tuning firms decided to further butcher the Porsche Pigs Ear it actually got a bit funny. A personal favourite was the hilariously named ‘Fab Design’ who accidentally shat all sorts of glass fibre pebble dashed mess all over the place.
There. We’ve said it. The Mini Countryman wasn’t that bad in the flesh – not perfect, but not an complete face disgrace. In real life it looked quite muscular and chunky, and, as you’ll note by the amazing photo below – there’s room for a human with knees in the back.
Knees, fitting in behind our own 6ft driving position. Never seen before in a Mini.
Vauxhall previewed their Flextreme GT/E Concept – a petrol hybrid which can run for 60km on its 120kW electric motor, with a 1.4 petrol for when it goes flat. VW released the new £14,445 Polo Bluemotion which produces 91g/km of CO2 and does 80.7mpg. And more F1 testing happened, where some rain saw Kovalainen crash his Lotus and Barichello go fastest.
Pictures of Citroen’s new DS3-R leaked onto the internet, with rumours suggesting it’ll have a 200bhp 1.6l petrol engine and sub-7 sec 0-60 time. Toyota issued a recall of all mk3 Prius’s built before 27th January 2010, to have a brake software update. And Vauxhall/Opal guvna Nick Reilly said he expects the company to be back in profit by 2012.
Ferrari announced the 458 Italia will cost £169,545 when it goes on sale in May… before adding options like the £2k electric seats and £1k wing badges. Audi revealed another A1 teaser picture, where the car is in the dark, obscured by a man with smarmy hair. And Vauxhall released interior pictures of the new Meriva, featuring lots of buttons.
We don’t usually bother reporting the arrival of new MPVs, but because of a little known sub-clause in the car hack’s rule book, we’re going to make an exception. We’re referring of course to Rule 65.3.8: ‘any motor vehicle which features suicide doors is worth at least 100 words’. Best show you Vauxhall’s new Meriva then, because your eyes are not deceiving you… look at the apertures on that:
Ahead of its official unveiling at the Geneva Motor Show in March, Vauxhall have released some piccies and details to give us a rough idea of how much more interesting than the last Meriva it will be. As well the ‘FlexDoors’, the rear slidey/foldey seats are apparently simpler to shove about, there’s obviously the option of a panoramic roof and a new dash feature called ‘FlexRail’ which lets you move and mount various cubbies and bins where suits best. How sensible.
It looks a bit snazzier too, with a vaguely Citroen kink to the window line and the ‘blade’ scallop from the Insignia and Astra down the side – definitely smarter, but perhaps not as hip-dad friendly as a C3 Picasso. It’s got a longer wheelbase and wider track than the current car, and will come with six different turbocharged engines to help keep efficiency up. It’ll go on sale in the UK in June.
Right, that’s 200 words now – the rulebook has been followed. As you were.
Boom Boom Pow! Peugeot have finally come up with a 7 seater MPV to take on the likes of Zafira! 5008? It’s so 5,000 and late! The question on every contraceptionally-challenged person’s lips is this; is it better late than never or bettered by Picasso? Auto Exclamation finds out!
First things first – even the third row of seats are usable by humans with limbs! It’s an achievement! And they easily fold flat into the boot floor when your limb-heavy human friends are at home! Double achievement! Immediately there’s more space than the S-Max, Picasso or Zafira brethren! 5,000 and great!
And the rest of the cabin doesn’t inspire any 5,000 and hate either! In between the front seats is a cubby so big you could hide a baby in it! The chrome trinkets and neat clickability of the buttons are also something to 5,000 and rate – it’s got the quality of an interior that isn’t French! The only irritation that could 5,000 and grate is how the rakishly sloped dash can make some switches tricky to reach – it’s not a car for the short of arm!
On the black-top it’s smooth, light, accurate and bright – especially with the optional panoramic roof! Hurl it about with a lackadaisical regard for the kids and you’ll feel its 5,000 and weight, but it’s a nicer steer than a Picasso or Zafira, and not far off the S-Max! Engine power comes from 1.6 or 2.0 sizes of petrol or diesel; the diesel motors are £1,500 dearer than the petrols, but you’ll be glad about buying the extra torque with a van full of sprogs! We’d have the 150bhp HDi; 250lb ft, 0-62mph in 10 secs and 48.7mpg sounds good for a bus!
It’s time to talk readies! How much is on the 5,000 and slate? The cheapest needs just £16,895 to coax from the Pug man’s hands – but you’ll have plastic wheel trims and no panoramic roof! Don’t fret though! The roof is a £350 option for Sport spec and comes for free in top Exclusive trim – £21k will get you the best engine, Sport spec and big glass! It’s no more expensive than the rivals!
What to say to the original question then – is it better late than never or bettered by Picasso? We say it’s better late than never! The 5008 might not be the most punctual of the MPV class, but it’s certainly a fast learner with an interior that gets a gold star! If you’re a daddy in need of a baby caddy, you should canter down the Pug shop Boom Boom Now!
GM has announced that it is closing Saab, after the deal to sell the loss-making brand to Spyker collapsed. Architects and a small group of other people with interesting personalities are still Saabing into their Alessi mugs.
The company was put up for sale earlier this year, with General Motors not having the cash to support it. Koenigsegg initially showed interest in a purchase, but backed out before any money changed hands. With Spyker doing the same, GM has decided it can’t support the company any longer and will start winding down operations immediately, with the loss of over 3,000 jobs.
Any current warranties of UK cars will be honoured by Vauxhall dealers, and all the firms bills will be settled before it is finally closed down.While recent cars have lacked character due to the extensive platform sharing and budget cutting enforced by GM, it’s very sad news to see a company with such history and identity lost. The only potential good news is the possibility of some bargain pre-registered 9-5s and 9-3s that need to be shifted – a £15k Saab 9-3 Aero 2.0T is an interesting prospect…
To make Toyota feel slightly better about missing out on the Car of the Year paperweight, we’ve put together a man-friendly list of the worst ever winning cars – because it’s not like the judges haven’t got it wrong before. See this as a best of the worst – a thoroughly British way of celebrating mediocre shitness. So, in reverse order…
3. Vauxhall Insignia - 2009
The wound is still fresh on this one. The Insignia isn’t a bad car, but come on… it’s not even the best in its class, never mind the best car released all year. It may have only pipped the thoroughly excellent Ford Fiesta into second place by a single point, but there’s rarely been a more misleading point in COTY history.
The Car of the Year 2010 gong has been handed to the VW Polo, sparking a raging debate over what’s less imaginative – the car, or the decision to give it victory. The little Volkswagen pipped the thoroughly interesting Toyota iQ into second place by 10 points, with many pundits claiming Toyota ‘was robbed’, and that the whole scenario is almost as unfair as Ireland not qualifying for the World Cup because of Thierry Henry’s hand ball. Obviously VW didn’t cheat (corruption and bribes have definitely never played a part in the judgement process), but they have got bloody lucky.
Closer inspection of the results shows that the Polo was voted the best car by 25 of the 59 judges, and received a total score of 347 against the iQ’s 24 win votes and 337 points. Here’s a run down of the total scores:
Readers with unusual memories, or the ability to click here, will no doubt be keen to point out that the Citroen C3 Picasso which we expected to be fighting the iQ for the top spot actually came last. We’d still have voted iQ first and C3 Picasso first. So there.
More details emerged about GM’s European job cuts, with news that around 4,200 jobs will be lost between two plants in Germany while 354 are lost from Luton and none at all from Ellesmere Port. Michael Schumacher’s manager said he is fit enough to race in F1 next year. And MG’s Chinese owners pledged to build the MG6 in Birmingham
GM announced 9,000 jobs cuts across Europe – 60% will come from Germany, with the rest spread between the UK, Belgium, Spain and Poland. Mercedes and Renault announced that they’re working together to produce a rear-engined city car platform, ready by 2013. Renault also revealed the Gordini Twingo Renaultsport, the first of a range of specials reviving the historic Gordini name.
It’s been destruction derby day at EuroNCAP, with the release of their latest crash test ratings – we see it as our duty to bring you what we learnt from today’s findings.
Well… we learnt that there need to be more stars.
Out of the 12 cars tested, only two didn’t receive the top 5 stars overall. The Mazda3, Infiniti FX, Citroen DS3, Mercedes GLK, Vauxhall Astra, Peugeot 5008, Mercedes E-Class, VW Scirocco, Chevrolet Cruze and BMW X1 all got the full quota.
The dunces were the Toyota Urban Cruiser with 3 stars and Chevrolet Spark with 4. In fairness, Toyota are having a stern word with EuroNCAP as they think there might be some discrepancies. The dropped marks come from a poor performance in the ‘pole side impact’ test.
Anyway, we know that what you really want is to see some crashes – so here’s the 5 star Mercedes E-Class and the 3 star Urban Cruiser… it’s like a morbid spot-the-difference.
If you’d like to see the full test results in a more thorough manner, then get clicking on these yellow words.
BMW announced that they’ll be sending some Minis to Goodwood next year, where they’ll be re-trimmed and embellished by Rolls Royce, then sold on for lots more money. Lee Noble’s new non-Noble supercar company was Christened Fenix – presumably to avoid Phoenix/Pheonix debates. And Vauxhall announced some evolutionary tweaks to the Corsa, trying in vein keep up with the Fiesta.
Button was confirmed as Hamilton’s chief visor-wiper/team mate at McLaren, Raikkonen mumbled about having next year off and the world rumoured about Schumacher driving for Mercedes GP. Also, new GM Europe boss, British Nick Reilly, spoke some rare positive words about keeping Ellesmere Port and Luton plants open, as well as potentially producing the Vauxhall Ampera in one of them.
The 7 finalists for the award that has been awarded the ‘most promoted award that bears no relevance to the buying public’ award were today announced. Because none of them are Italian, it’s very hard to predict a winner – a problem that isn’t helped by the COTY website’s description of each car, which appears to have been written as part of an English exam by a French schoolboy.
So, to better introduce the finalists, and help predict which car will win, on the sidewalls kindly offers its own translation and betting odds service:
COTY website: ‘The Picasso saga has been a success for Citroën since 1998, and the new model with a fresh style will likely continue it. The anticipation of the future C3 family is the entry offer in the Citroën line of MPVs with real capabilities for family use’.
Translation: The Picasso sold by the bucketload in 1998 because it was so bloody cheap, and even though this one’s more expensive, people in their 30s think it looks cool so it’ll probably do just as well. Other than that, it doesn’t do anything new… erm, oh, right… there’ll be a bigger one at some point.
on the sidewalls odds: 3/1
COTY website: ‘Even now, when M-Bs occupy every market niche, E-class keeps on being the backbone of its model line. The wide range comprises an elegant saloon, a sleek coupe and an estate with about the biggest cargo space in the market.’
Translation: Despite the fact that Mercedes now have almost as many models as there are letters in the alphabet, they still remembered to build a car for taxi drivers who don’t like the 5-Series. There’s a saloon, a coupe and an estate that might have the biggest boot in the class – but we haven’t checked yet.
on the sidewalls odds: 5/1
COTY website: ‘Mixing Insignia’s blades and wings styling theme in a different way, Opel has shaped an appealing, almost muscular, Astra. A 5-door car also much bigger, therefore heavier. There’s no much space gain in the cabin, yet the interior improves a lot in perceived quality, with layout and looks also similar to big brother.’
Translation: The Insignia won last year, and the Astra looks a bit like it – so it goes through. Despite it being bigger and heavier than the last one, there’s not actually that much more room inside… oh, hang on, that’s not a good thing is it? Erm, did we mention it looks similar to its big brother?
on the sidewalls odds: 4/1
COTY website: ‘The 3008 is the most original Peugeot creature in years, mixing shapes and features usually related to hatchbacks and SUVs, as the tall seating or the split tailgate. Interior has functionality, but also lots of light with the panoramic roof, and a sporty cockpit that appeals drivers.’
Translation: The 3008 is a bit odd, but because it doesn’t immediately look like an SUV you don’t feel arrogant driving it. With a glass roof, posh interior and split tailgate, it manages to tick all the boxes while remaining slightly pointless.
on the sidewalls odds: 7/2
COTY website: ‘Skoda had already used an AWD system with a Haldex clutch in its Octavia range. Fresh-looking Yeti takes the relay with a body style and a taller ride height more identified with the function of getting occasionally off tarmac, what can be satisfactorily accomplished.’
Translation: First things first – the technology under the silly name is old. But, it looks good in a rugged-utilitarian way and isn’t actually that bad when you get stuck in a boggy car boot sale.
on the sidewalls odds: 11/2
COTY website: ‘Toyota has solved an almost impossible equation of size, room, functionality and safety in the iQ, a city car not addressed to massive sales. It has done so by cleverly engineering tricks in transmission, steering and interior, with thin seat backs and a non-existent dashboard/glovebox in the front occupant side… and a record number of airbags.’
Translation: Toyota have created the world’s first four seater car that only three people can sit in – and then priced it so high that it’s not getting any sales. The technology behind it is far too clever to explain in a second language, so we’ll just put it down to magic tricks… although we do know it’s got an airbag across the back window which is pretty cool.
on the sidewalls odds: 3/1
COTY website: ‘You may say new Polo is just a scaled-down Golf. So what? The Volkswagen spirit of excellence is integrated into the structure and looks of this model that plays the role of not being as big as other cars in this segment.’
Translation: Even we’re not going to suggest that the styling isn’t anything other than a Golf photocopied on 75% scale. Pretty lazy we know, but it does feel bloody posh inside, it’ll probably outlast a cockroach and it doesn’t weigh 2 tonnes.
on the sidewalls odds: 5/1
So, there you go – time to make your mind up. In our humble opinion, it should be a toss up between the thoughtfully designed and very useful C3 Picasso or the staggeringly designed but actually-not-that-useful Toyota iQ. Which means the Peuegot 3008 will inevitably win.
The winner will be announced on November 30th. Place your bets… NOW.