Yes. We know. It’s mechanically indistinguishable from a SEAT Ibiza Cupra or Skoda Fabia vRS. Do you know quite how BORED the world is of that fact? Jaysus.

What The Most Repeated Car Fact of the 21st Century So Far neglects to mention is that the minutiae of a car’s execution is just as critical as its gearbox, engine and chassis. Which is why the Polo GTI is better than two cars that are the same as it.

The extra sheen of the Polo’s interior is just the start – the biggest difference between the three cars is on the road. Seriously.

A Fabia vRS feels like a cheap car with a very expensive engine – fast, but also a bit tall and imprecise. The Ibiza Cupra by comparison gives the impression that it’s trying too hard… all shouty, darty and hard without much charm or feel. Blame it on the height of their bodies, sound proofing and weight distribution.

In comparison, the Polo feels like a perfectly judged hot hatch marvel. It’s the last of the three to go on sale, but the GTI gives the impression that it was designed first – the ideal calibration of a shared platform that Skoda and SEAT had to cheapen and differentiate themselves from.

The ride is fractionally less busy… the induction noise slightly richer… the steering infinitesimally meatier… you’ve got to be a real hot-hatch loser hell-bent on finding tiny traces of tweaked tactility to feel the difference, but that’s what we are. Give us a good hot hatch in Wales over anything else on the road. And the Polo GTI is a very good hot hatch.

Blame it on witchcraft, blame it on mysterious mechanical alchemy… but we honestly think the difference is big enough to avoid blaming our own exaggerated memories of the other two cars.

And yes. We also know that the fizzy brilliance of a Renaultsport Clio makes praising the tactility of a Polo GTI sound a bit overwrought. The best of the three is still second best to the Renault.

The art of disappearing is one of the most impressive talents a car can possess. It only happens in machines that allow the actions and sensations of driving to merge into a cohesive brainwash of seamless motion. When you stop thinking about what your limbs are doing, stop noticing any one part of a car’s behaviour and start to feel like you’re moving of your own accord.

Most cars can’t do it. My Rover 75 has too much body inertia to disappear – its top half feels like it’s being left behind by the bottom. My MX-5 can’t do it either, because the scuttle shake makes you constantly check that the windscreen is still attached.

The last car I drove that disappeared on a regular basis was actually a Ford Puma; the steering, brakes, chassis and gearchange were cut from the same neatly stitched cloth. The feedback from every control was engineered by an over-arching Lord of Matching Tactility.

I’ve just discovered that the brand new Suzuki Swift can disappear too. Sounds like an amazing talent for a humble shopping car, but its granny-pleasing clarity of purpose is actually key.

As it’s designed to be controlled by arthritic wrists, swollen ankles and emaciated biceps, every aspect of the Swift is light. And, either through coincidence or clever engineering, the lightness of every control is perfectly matched. This allows driving it to become one act of simple subconscious control… it means the car can disappear. But that doesn’t make it boring.

Far from it – because there’s an incredibly consistent mechanical tactility under the lightness too. Everything you touch with your feet, hands or bum has a sugary granularity to it, like a cupcake dusted with icing sugar. As with the Puma, the steering, gearchange, brakes and chassis are all sliced from the same sweet pie. It’s not got the most steering feel or the best handling of any supermini, but its array of dynamic traits are so well matched that they all work in perfect harmony and… disappear.

If you’re a gran, the Swift’s ability to simplify the act of driving to the point of invisibility will suit you perfectly. And if you’re a closet-racer, you’ll enjoy hours of intense driving pleasure as its dynamic elements gel into one seamless act and then… disappear.

So, the Swift is not only one of the simplest cars I’ve driven for ages, but also one of the most satisfying. It’s cheaper than a Fiesta too.

‘Dat the new vRS?’, yaps the intricately bearded man waiting at the lights in a lowered 318Ci, ‘I been waiting to see one of dem man’. Fake Armani shades now lifted, his pupils pour over the Kermit paint job and, quite surprisingly, he doesn’t piss himself laughing. ‘Yeah looks sweet, nice rims. Open it up man’. So I do. Leave him for dead and leave me totally bewildered.

With a goopy face, under wheeled profile and self-conscious black roof, I expected the Fabia vRS to hit the streets with a handicap – but sitting at the lights outside a fried chicken shop in Birmingham, it’s the hottest piece of metal around. P Diddy could drive an R8 Spyder straight past unnoticed.

There’s more heckling at a petrol station in Kent, this time from an Accord Type S owner with even finer facial topiary than 318Ci man. ‘Nice car mate… petrol innit, what does it do?’. Being a massive geek, my answer is accurate; ‘7.3 seconds to 60, 139mph top end’. He replies in a tone of disgust, like I’d just told him my favourite hobby was rubbing crude oil into the eyes of rare sea birds ‘yeah, but what about to the gallon mate?’. Right. ‘They say 45mpg combined, but I’m getting mid 30s’ I reply in my politest voice. ‘Nah, I’d rather have the old diesel version then’.

He’s got a point. The first Fabia vRS, this car’s famously diesel predecessor, could be coaxed into hitting 60mpg. Standing in the shadow of a sign that puts petrol at £1.23 a litre, it’s hard to see the sense in replacing it with a car that does half that. That’s not the end of it though – there’s one more spontaneous talking head. Haven’t had this much attention since driving a Bentley Continental GT Speed to ASDA.

‘You see mate, you’ve made a mistake there’ said a Geordie over my shoulder, clearly thinking I’d bought it with my own money. Turning round to put face to voice, he’s wearing a Subaru cap – this man REALLY knows about cars. ‘Same as a Polo GTI that is… and yeah it’s two k cheaper on paper like… but what’s that monthly? Bet it’s nothing man. I’d pay the extra fiver or whatever and have the Dub fella’. Turns out Skoda badge snobbery isn’t completely dead after all… at least not amongst rude Geordies.

Being three potential customers who actually hand over money for their new cars, they are of course all absolutely right. The new vRS is good looking and quick, but has two big problems – it’s not a diesel and it’s not cheap enough.

First, the diesel thing. The Fabia’s 178bhp twincharger petrol engine is a brilliant thing, especially when synced up with the equally brilliant DSG gearbox – but it doesn’t feel as happy in the vRS as it does in the Ibiza Cupra, which to man-on-street is only a fiver a month more to buy. On occasions where you’d slip the SEAT into manual mode and parp about using the paddles, you leave the slightly taller, softer and calmer feeling Skoda in auto, where it upchanges early. The more laidback chassis wants a laidback, and frugal, diesel engine.

Which brings us onto problem two – it’s not cheap enough. At £15,700 it is £1300 less than the Cupra and a couple of grand less than a Polo GTI (both of which, as Subaru hat man pointed out, share a powertrain and a great deal of chassis bolts)… but, to man-on-street with a monthly payment plan, that’s not a big enough incentive to turn down a posher badge – especially when the fuel consumption, tax and insurance will be the same. What he wants is a hot hatch that’s not only cheaper to buy, but cheaper to run. He wants a diesel engine too.

Just imagine Skoda put VAG’s 140bhp 2.0TDI engine into a Fabia and then slapped a vRS badge on that. It’d hit 60 in the mid 8s, do 50mpg and be even cheaper to buy in the first place. It’d be a genuine, economical but still reasonably quick alternative to the Polo GTI and Ibiza Cupra, instead of a cheaper, less desirable version of the same thing.

So, thanks for the help 318Ci man, Accord Type S man and Subaru hat man. You’ve forced us to awkwardly conclude that despite being cheaper than two almost identical cars, and despite being fitted with an engine that’s just been awarded International Engine of the Year 2010, the Skoda Fabia vRS should cost less and have a different engine. Hilarious.

Boiled Sweets

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

The three finalists for the massively relevant World Car of the Year were announced – the Mercedes E-Class, Toyota Prius and Volkswagen Polo. Toyota looked into complaints that some US cars were still accelerating at inconvenient moments. And British racing hero Sir Stirling Moss fell down a lift shaft in his home, breaking both ankles – get well soon wishes to him.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Vauxhall previewed their Flextreme GT/E Concept – a petrol hybrid which can run for 60km on its 120kW electric motor, with a 1.4 petrol for when it goes flat. VW released the new £14,445 Polo Bluemotion which produces 91g/km of CO2 and does 80.7mpg. And more F1 testing happened, where some rain saw Kovalainen crash his Lotus and Barichello go fastest.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Pics of Alfa Romeo’s Bertone styled Pandion concept car which will be shown at Geneva leaked out. Bentley released details of their Continental Supersports convertible which arrives this Autumn: 621bhp, 590lb ft of torque, 202mph and 3.9secs to get to 60mph. And VW announced a smaller, duller, slightly cheaper version of the Golf GTI – the 177bhp, £18,000 Polo GTI.

You can tell a lot about a brand by its supermini; they’re distilled versions of a company’s vision, designed and built to the tightest brief. Which makes the outgoing Citroen C3 something of a loud-mouthed embarrassment, shouting only bad things about Citroen’s interior quality, woolly dynamics and desperately heavy discounting – it’s an automotive pound shop. Finally though, they’ve got round to replacing it… so has this C3 mk2 finally got something good to say?

Starting from the outside, yes. The new model is nicely sculpted, well proportioned and adorned with all the spangly lighting needed to attract the fussiest magpie-like buyers. It sits quite high, clearly a cousin of the C3 Picasso mini-MPV with which it shares a chassis, but isn’t lofty enough to look like the Pope should be in the back.

Price-wise, it’s showing Citroen’s new found confidence – gone are the bargain bucket, big volume discounts, replaced with the type of price-tags you’d expect from a car worth buying. The range starts at £10,790 but the biggest seller is expected to be the £13,190 1.4 90bhp petrol in VTR+ trim, which spec-for-spec is right on Fiesta money. However, by some mysterious turn of events (and keen VW pricing), that makes the C3 pricier than a VW Polo. Cripes. So, how does the C3 fare without its bargain price?

On the road, not brilliantly. While it feels far better engineered than the previous model, it can’t match a Fiesta for poise or Polo for maturity. Mainly, it rides incredibly well with a knack for quiet cruising – but push it over a particularly abused pothole and it’ll quickly shudder and thump in disapproval. It’s comfortable and easy most of the time, but the better resolved Polo does a smarter job for less cash.

Our 120bhp 1.6 16v engine didn’t shine either. While essentially the same motor as in a Mini Cooper, it lacks low down pull and gets noisily sulky when asked to work hard – it never feels as quick as the 8.9 sec 0-62mph time suggests. Two 1.4 petrols with 75 or 90bhp, a 70bhp 1.4 turbodiesel and a 110bhp 1.6 turbodiesel round off the engines, all emitting less than 140g/km of C02 with a manual gearbox.

So, to catch up on what the C3 has been saying about Citroen. Good looks are offset with strong pricing and low emissions are countered with an only adequate drive… no surprises there. It’s a massive improvement, but nothing that shouts ‘buy me’ with much conviction. Until you look up.

All but the bottom VT spec cars come with what Citroen call a ‘Zenith’ windscreen – a ruddy great piece of glass so big you’ll bugger your neck trying to see all of it. In the hustle and bustle of the supermini market, it’s a massive USP.

The interior is already the single biggest improvement over the old car, now being just as well screwed together as a Fiesta’s, but all the extra light transforms it. You’ll need to spend £12,690 to buy a model with it fitted, but without the epic glass, the C3 doesn’t make half as much sense. The floating mirror might spoil the effect slightly, but such a vast sky lets you forgive the C3’s bland drive – even when it’s wazzing it down.

In the end, the C3 talks Citroen’s talk fluently – interesting design, cool styling, an unhurried drive… and a little twist of something weird. Like half a roof. It might not be an altogether better car than a Fiesta or Polo, but Citroen certainly shouldn’t need to resort to pound-shop discounting to shift it.

To make Toyota feel slightly better about missing out on the Car of the Year paperweight, we’ve put together a man-friendly list of the worst ever winning cars – because it’s not like the judges haven’t got it wrong before. See this as a best of the worst – a thoroughly British way of celebrating mediocre shitness. So, in reverse order…

5. Simca 1307 – 1976
An odd contraption, built in France and owned by Chrysler – with the type of ergonomics you’d expect when French quirkiness meets American bad sense. A big deal was made of the practicality of its front wheel drive, hatch-back design… despite the first VW Passat doing the same a couple of years previously. The biggest joke is how a car running on push-rod engines managed to push the SOHC E21 BMW 3-Series into second place.

4. Fiat Bravo/Brava – 1996
Let’s get the positive out of the way with; the back lights on the Brava (that’s the 5dr one) were cool, and the seats were comfy – but other than that, both the Bravo and Brava were rubbish. The electrics would only work on the second Tuesday of the month, they plain refused to go round corners without leaning on their wing mirrors, only got a two star EuroNCAP crash rating and came near the bottom of every quality/satisfaction/reliability survey they were entered in.

3. Vauxhall Insignia - 2009
The wound is still fresh on this one. The Insignia isn’t a bad car, but come on… it’s not even the best in its class, never mind the best car released all year. It may have only pipped the thoroughly excellent Ford Fiesta into second place by a single point, but there’s rarely been a more misleading point in COTY history.

2. Alfa Romeo 147 – 2001
This is the other ‘victory by a point’ travesty, but the calibre of the cars it beat makes this an even bigger misnomer than the Insignia. Remember how amazing the mk3 Mondeo was when it was released? Well, according to the 2001 result, it’s not as good as a flimsy Alfa Romeo 147. Pretty? Yes. But an intelligently designed, high quality, durable product? Don’t be daft. The cherry on the cake is how the Toyota Prius was pushed down into third… hybrids may be leading us up the garden path, but at least it was trying.

1. Fiat Uno – 1984
If you conducted a group test between the newly released mk2 VW Golf, the Peugeot 205 and the Fiat Uno, which one would you expect to win? The debate between the Pug and Veedub could run forever, but it would never ever be the Fiat. So, how did the COTY panel justify handing the Uno victory, above the Golf in 2nd and 205 in 3rd? Because ‘its basic version still keeps the veteran OHV 903 cc engine from the 127′. That’s right – the Fiat Uno is better than a mk2 Golf because it uses a 0.9l engine from the mid 70s. Brilliant. Next time you see a mk2 Golf soldiering on into it’s second decade on the road, go see what the owner says when you tell them they should have bought a Fiat Uno instead. Their response will sum up the relevance of the whole award.

The Car of the Year 2010 gong has been handed to the VW Polo, sparking a raging debate over what’s less imaginative – the car, or the decision to give it victory. The little Volkswagen pipped the thoroughly interesting Toyota iQ into second place by 10 points, with many pundits claiming Toyota ‘was robbed’, and that the whole scenario is almost as unfair as Ireland not qualifying for the World Cup because of Thierry Henry’s hand ball. Obviously VW didn’t cheat (corruption and bribes have definitely never played a part in the judgement process), but they have got bloody lucky.

Closer inspection of the results shows that the Polo was voted the best car by 25 of the 59 judges, and received a total score of 347 against the iQ’s 24 win votes and 337 points. Here’s a run down of the total scores:

1. Volkswagen Polo 347 points

2. Toyota iQ 337 points

3. Vauxhall Astra 221 points

4. Skoda Yeti 158 points

5. Mercedes-Benz E-class 155 points

6. Peugeot 3008 144 points

7. Citroen C3 Picasso 113 points

Readers with unusual memories, or the ability to click here, will no doubt be keen to point out that the Citroen C3 Picasso which we expected to be fighting the iQ for the top spot actually came last. We’d still have voted iQ first and C3 Picasso first. So there.

The 7 finalists for the award that has been awarded the ‘most promoted award that bears no relevance to the buying public’ award were today announced. Because none of them are Italian, it’s very hard to predict a winner – a problem that isn’t helped by the COTY website’s description of each car, which appears to have been written as part of an English exam by a French schoolboy.

So, to better introduce the finalists, and help predict which car will win, on the sidewalls kindly offers its own translation and betting odds service:

Citroen C3 Picasso

COTY website: ‘The Picasso saga has been a success for Citroën since 1998, and the new model with a fresh style will likely continue it. The anticipation of the future C3 family is the entry offer in the Citroën line of MPVs with real capabilities for family use’.

Translation: The Picasso sold by the bucketload in 1998 because it was so bloody cheap, and even though this one’s more expensive, people in their 30s think it looks cool so it’ll probably do just as well. Other than that, it doesn’t do anything new… erm, oh, right… there’ll be a bigger one at some point.

on the sidewalls odds: 3/1

Mercedes-Benz E-Class

COTY website: ‘Even now, when M-Bs occupy every market niche, E-class keeps on being the backbone of its model line. The wide range comprises an elegant saloon, a sleek coupe and an estate with about the biggest cargo space in the market.’

Translation: Despite the fact that Mercedes now have almost as many models as there are letters in the alphabet, they still remembered to build a car for taxi drivers who don’t like the 5-Series. There’s a saloon, a coupe and an estate that might have the biggest boot in the class – but we haven’t checked yet.

on the sidewalls odds: 5/1

Vauxhall/Opel Astra

COTY website: ‘Mixing Insignia’s blades and wings styling theme in a different way, Opel has shaped an appealing, almost muscular, Astra. A 5-door car also much bigger, therefore heavier. There’s no much space gain in the cabin, yet the interior improves a lot in perceived quality, with layout and looks also similar to big brother.’

Translation: The Insignia won last year, and the Astra looks a bit like it – so it goes through. Despite it being bigger and heavier than the last one, there’s not actually that much more room inside… oh, hang on, that’s not a good thing is it? Erm, did we mention it looks similar to its big brother?

on the sidewalls odds: 4/1

Peugeot 3008

COTY website: ‘The 3008 is the most original Peugeot creature in years, mixing shapes and features usually related to hatchbacks and SUVs, as the tall seating or the split tailgate. Interior has functionality, but also lots of light with the panoramic roof, and a sporty cockpit that appeals drivers.’

Translation: The 3008 is a bit odd, but because it doesn’t immediately look like an SUV you don’t feel arrogant driving it. With a glass roof, posh interior and split tailgate, it manages to tick all the boxes while remaining slightly pointless.

on the sidewalls odds: 7/2

Skoda Yeti

COTY website: ‘Skoda had already used an AWD system with a Haldex clutch in its Octavia range. Fresh-looking Yeti takes the relay with a body style and a taller ride height more identified with the function of getting occasionally off tarmac, what can be satisfactorily accomplished.’

Translation: First things first – the technology under the silly name is old. But, it looks good in a rugged-utilitarian way and isn’t actually that bad when you get stuck in a boggy car boot sale.

on the sidewalls odds: 11/2

Toyota iQ

COTY website: ‘Toyota has solved an almost impossible equation of size, room, functionality and safety in the iQ, a city car not addressed to massive sales. It has done so by cleverly engineering tricks in transmission, steering and interior, with thin seat backs and a non-existent dashboard/glovebox in the front occupant side… and a record number of airbags.’

Translation: Toyota have created the world’s first four seater car that only three people can sit in – and then priced it so high that it’s not getting any sales. The technology behind it is far too clever to explain in a second language, so we’ll just put it down to magic tricks… although we do know it’s got an airbag across the back window which is pretty cool.

on the sidewalls odds: 3/1

Volkswagen Polo

COTY website: ‘You may say new Polo is just a scaled-down Golf. So what? The Volkswagen spirit of excellence is integrated into the structure and looks of this model that plays the role of not being as big as other cars in this segment.’

Translation: Even we’re not going to suggest that the styling isn’t anything other than a Golf photocopied on 75% scale. Pretty lazy we know, but it does feel bloody posh inside, it’ll probably outlast a cockroach and it doesn’t weigh 2 tonnes.

on the sidewalls odds: 5/1

So, there you go – time to make your mind up. In our humble opinion, it should be a toss up between the thoughtfully designed and very useful C3 Picasso or the staggeringly designed but actually-not-that-useful Toyota iQ. Which means the Peuegot 3008 will inevitably win.

The winner will be announced on November 30th. Place your bets… NOW.

Give 50p to the man in the hut! Pick a crooked putter! Aim under the windmill! Over the cobbled bridge… mind the camber! That’s right, Auto Exclamation is striking a birdie in the brand new Veedub Polo! It’s Miniature Golf! One point FOUR!

VW remembered that people forget what the Polo looks like and have done something to help! Can’t recall the Polo’s face? Fine! Just think of a Golf that’s slightly further away! From the wide Tiger Woods smile to the austere Faldo personality, it’s what geneticists would call closely related! Steve Ryder will recite your life in this little thud box!

If interior quality was measured on a bar graph, the Polo would have a massive bar! From ticking relays to nobbing knurlers, the Polo has the rubbery smoothability of writing on a banana with a biro! You’ll be fiddling with nobs like you’ve just caught puberty! But it’s not all about sitting in it without driving it! Playing a game of miniature golf isn’t as much fun as having a Fiesta? Is it?

No! The Polo plays miniature golf with freezing numb hands! I can’t feel my legs Muriel! Muted dampings and smoothed vibrationals will earn happy chatter at the 19^th hole, but don’t tell the men in funny trousers about the steering or brakes! They’re deader than a slept on arm… but at least you’ll never get pins and needles!

So, it’s a thoughtful putt instead of a spirited drive – but after the little bits of paper have been handed in, is it a birdie or a bogey? We’ll find out at the final hole! What do you get for the supermini mid-price of £12,500? It’s Fiesta versus Polo! Let’s hit the theme park fairway!

Off the tee with the engine! Fiesta plays an 81 horse yard drive with a 1.25 iron, while Polo hits 84 yards thanks to a bigger 1.4 thwacker! Polo nudges it! Next, it’s an economical chip under that windmill! Mind the blades! Despite being heavier, the Fiesta strikes back with 49.5 mpg and 133 g/CO2 against the Polo’s 47.9 and 139!

It’s neck and neck as they hit the sloping concrete green – just a final putt that relies on kit! Tension is rising! ESP, alloys and leccy back windows all need extra cash on the Fiesta… but they’re free with the Polo! Seve Ballesteros golfers! Who would’ve thunk it? The Polo sinks it first with an excellent value putt!

Let’s hit the clubhouse and talk conclusionals! OK, you’re not going to play miniature golf if you holiday in Ibiza… but don’t forget – not everybody wants to! While the rest of the supermini crew are fizzing around on poppers, the Polo plays its game of sense with more stubbornness and thoughtfulness than ever! And it’s not even an expensive hobby! Sports car ambitionists with no interest in ruining a good walk can get a Fiesta for sure, but for the normalists out there, the Polo is a swooping great albatross of wellbeing! Happy Gilmore everybody!

Green is still only cool in theory

It’s getting boring really. For approximately basically ages, manufacturers have been promising to build the insane hybrid concept cars they bandy around at motorshows. We’re teased with teardrop shapes, smooth glasshouses and mpg figures in the hundreds – and then consistently disappointed.

VW were showing off their 1L concept car – it looks like a drop of mercury, has a 0.8 litre diesel engine with electric motor and will do about 180mpg. They bragged about producing the diesel engine by basically chopping a current 1.6 litre diesel in half, and told us it was definitely ready to build. That’s great. But the only actual green car they had to offer was the new Polo Bluemotion – 70-odd mpg, no electric engine and a bit of a dull face.

or this…

The same was true at BMW – they teased us with their Efficient Dynamics Vision concept which, thanks to a combination of diesel and electricity, has the speed of an M3 but CO2 emissions of just 99g/km. But the latest green car we can actually drive? A 320d that does 57.4 mpg and definitely isn’t as fast as an M3. Hilarious.

or this…

It’s about time concept car one-upmanship was actually put into practice; we’ve been teased for too long.

British rivals were born

The Bentley Mulsanne and Rolls Royce Ghost were unleashed onto each other. The Bentley is unforgivably ugly, but has the pedigree of being an all-new design:

The Rolls looks awesome, but is basically a BMW 7 Series talking in a posh English accent. Bentley pedigree versus Rolls Royce style… we’d take the Rolls – it’s got a V12 over the Bentley’s V8.

GM left a nasty taste

The new Vauxhall Astra and Saab 9-5 were revealed – both GM designs that have now been left to their new respective owners Magna and Koenigsegg. Unfortunately, both cars are perfect examples of what GM do best… the bare minimum.

The Astra, which will be UK built, fares marginally better with a tidy Insignia-aping interior and bland solidity outside, but the Saab looked very sorry indeed. Again, the interior fares better with the usual Saaby ergonomics and materials, but outside is more of a facelift than re-style. Both cars go on sale in the middle of 2010 and will hopefully be profitable enough to put their new owners in better financial health than GM – in the case of the Astra, some Northerner’s jobs are relying on it.

The battle of the 21^st Century is coming

Days before the show, McLaren announced their new MP4-12C supercar. It’s a bespoke McLaren design, features a one-piece carbon fibre chassis and every single component (3.8 litre twin turbo V8 engine included), will be built by McLaren themselves. It’ll crack 0-62mph in under 4 secs, has 600bhp and will top 200mph – all for £150k when it goes on sale in 2011.

Despite not even being at Frankfurt, it made Ferrari and Mercedes look silly.

Ferrari unveiled their actually quite nice looking 458 Italia, and Mercedes their power-snouted SLS AMG – both the same price, performance and power as the McLaren, but too flash looking in comparison. Frank Stephenson’s 12C design is deliberately low-key – predicting that the age of the noisy, shouty supercar is over as well all get swallowed up by eco-modesty.

Looking at all three, it’s hard not too agree – while the McLaren isn’t as immediate as the other two it already looks timeless and classy. It’s like the SLS and 458 already trying too hard to beat it. The Merc and the Ferrari go on sale next year – our money would be not to buy either until the McLaren is released, unless you’ve got a chestwig.

The Jaguar XJ still has a squiffy rear quarter

It’s a British Ian Callum design, so we’re all expecting it to be a grower not a shower, but it’s taking its time. The front looks mean, sleek and powerful. But that back… well, it looks like a Hyundai. For the time being. Hopefully, Callum’s designed in so much ‘acquaintance time’ that the day it goes on sale (in December 2009) will be the first day it actually looks good.

The future does exist

Despite every car maker selling wildly reduced numbers of cars, think half the quantity of two years ago for some, clever financial men have made sure their companies can still afford to make cars. Quite how they’ve done it is anyone’s guess, but after speaking to various industry types, there was a feeling of optimism that was missing from the last Geneva show just six months ago. Back then, there was panic – when would the customers come back? What will we do with the cars we’ve already built and can’t sell? How will we afford our ludicrous research and development costs? When will sales pick back up to where they were in 2007?

The optimism hasn’t come from a pick-up in sales, or a change in fortune – it’s come from accepting the grim reality that things will never be as they were. Sales will probably never reach the dizzy pre-crisis heights. Now that manufacturers have come to terms with that, the panic has subsided and they can settle into just working with the funds and sales they have. With forecasts adjusted to reality instead of crystal ball optimism, and with the dead-wood sold off or downsized, car makers can focus on looking forward and working instead of looking back and worrying.