Versus Predator

A few months ago, the Paris Motorshow sounded like it was going to be feeble. An Audi A7 (pictured), a BMW X3, a front wheel drive Freelander and a fictional KIA that sounded like a fizzy drink. Dull, tedious, anodyne. Then news broke that Chevrolet were planning to exhibit a five door Cruze. Bloody hell. Watching a nun play solitaire in the dark sounded more exciting.

But then… KERPOW!! Some exciting things were announced. Paris 2010 is going to be a belter. So here are five good reasons to face the French capital’s traffic between the 2nd and 17th of October. Five door Cruze not included.

A Mystery Lamborghini

The Murcielago is dead. Long live whatever Lambo give us at Paris. It’s likely to be called the Jota, will no doubt come with a hulking great V12 engine that’s more powerful than the Merci’s but 20% MORE ECONOMICAL…and, according to internet fiction-mongers, it might even have scissor doors. Leading up to the show, Lamborghini are going to release six teaser pictures of the car, of which this is the first…

Lotus Going Mental

UK Lotus PR bossman, who we’ll call Flo-Rida, has got himself into such a tizz about the countless new Lotus products that he’s forgotten to actually tell anyone what they are… so we’ll mainly have to guess. The only thing we know for sure is that Flo-Rida is taking a 1970s Esprit to the show, so we can safely expect Lotus to reveal the long awaited 21st Century Esprit – complete wth mid mounted, turbocharged V8 engine.

We also know that the Evora has been given a supercharger, hiking power to around 400bhp (that’s no real secret. Might have seen one driving around Millbrook…). They’ll also show off an Evora with an auto-box, made especially for Americans that suffer from muscle wastage in their fat left leg.

On top of that, there’s likely to be a 21^st Century re-imagination of the iconic Lotus Seven sports car, as well as two brand new cars with hybrid powertrains – one a GT, the other closer to the Lotus philosophy of performance through lightweight, but possibly front wheel drive. Details are thin on the ground (and possibly non-existent), but with two new Evoras, an Esprit, a new Seven and two hybrids, expect Lotus to be the centre of attention.

Some French Cars

Being as the show’s in Paris, Citroen, Peugeot and Renault want to get lots of attention. Citroen and Renault might actually get some. New cars with a double chevron badge will include the handsome DS4 (pictured), the ‘well proportioned’ new C4 as well as their nutty electric concept cars the RevoltE and Survolte.

Renault will be distracting people away from the tedium of a facelifted Laguna with their swoopy work of fiction, the DeZir. As a funky platform for new designer Laurens van den Acker to show off his craft, the DeZir suggests that the next generation of Renaults will ditch daintiness in favour of more muscular lines and…blah. Just use your eyes. Your imagination is as good as anyone else’s.

Finally, Peugeot will have the new 508 saloon, which replaces the 407 and 607. Good for them

Ugly Mercedes CLS

When designing the brand new CLS, Mercedes must have frequently asked ‘how on earth do we replace the world’s first four door coupe?’. No matter what they did, the new car would no longer be a world first and therefore lack impact and seem unimaginative.

After countless board meetings where design executives aggressively debated how to follow up such a handsome, groundbreaking car they settled on a tag for the brand new CLS. One they felt would get as much coverage as the original. One with talkability. Impact. They produced The World’s Ugliest Four Door Coupe. You can’t miss seeing this in the flesh.

Jaguar Coupe and Estate

Now that the bread and butter of the XF and the XJ are out and about, Jag can get a jiggle on with expanding their range. At Paris, they’re likely to show off a new XF based coupe and roadster, possibly called the C-Type or XC, as well as an XF estate. It’s unlikely that any new engines will be released, but a small XF based coupe with an angry face and XF-R engine is a lip smacking prospect. Also, let’s not forget that estates are cooler than saloons – so an XF Wagon will be ice cold. Especially with that new 3.0 turbodiesel engine.

So, there you have it. Go to the Paris motorshow… loads of fast, stylish cars and hardly a whiff of a hybrid. Makes a change.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way with first. Skoda haven’t made a rubbish car for a decade, and the Superb name is neither new or inaccurate, so don’t scoff at that either. Alright? Good. Now we can get on.

Based on last year’s all new saloon, this is the first ever Superb Estate – and it’s proper, genuinely, 100% totally bloody amazing. Not in a ‘oh yeah… that Skoda’s really brilliant… I mean, ha, fancy Skoda making a good car’ way. Not in a ‘I suppose it’s an impressive achievement considering its price’ way either. But in a ‘Shit. Really. Where an earth did that come from? Wow’ way. If you want an analogy, this is their iPhone – a product that does absolutely everything, redefining the brand all over again.

Seeing as sycophantic reviews always sound rubbish, we’ll stay factual, measured and objective… and being as it’s an estate, we’ll start with the boot. The Superb’s rear measures 633 litres with the seats up and 1865 litres with the seats down – massive. But unless you frequently carry around fresh air or litre bottles of water, that’s all meaningless. So have some reference points:

Volvo’s biggest current estate is the V70 – with the seats up it’s got a 575 litre boot, rising to 1600 when they’re down. So the Superb Estate has a bigger boot than the biggest Volvo. Fact. That also makes it bigger than an A6 Avant, new BMW 5 Touring, Ford Mondeo Estate, Vauxhall Insignia Sports Tourer and VW Passat Estate. In fact, the only estate on sale today with a bigger boot is the new Mercedes E-Class.

So we’ll use the big-E as a reference point for price, interior quality and equipment – a Mercedes is a tough benchmark for a Skoda to match after all. The cheapest Superb Estate is the 1.4 TSI at £18k, rising to the most expensive £30k 3.6 V6. The very cheapest E-Class Estate is also £30k, in the shape of the E200 CGI 4-cyl petrol. A handy comparison.

The interior of the Skoda is better to look at, nicer to touch and more intuitive to use than the Merc’s. Less tacky, better damped, more ergonomic. There’s more kit in it too, including the best touch screen entertainment system of any car on sale anywhere, standard fit sat nav and the flawless DSG gearbox from VW. If you want sat nav and auto in the Merc, you’ll need to spend another £2,500.

But you still won’t have the Skoda’s performance – the V6 has 260bhp and cracks 62mph in just 6.6 seconds. Through the gears, using the massive 258lb ft hunk of torque that’s spread right across the middle of the rev range, you’ll outrun most hot hatches that bother to try. The £30k Merc is 80bhp and 60lb ft down as well as two seconds slower to 62mph… a Merc with similar performance and similar kit costs over £40k. Crikey.

Of course though, you’d be a little mad to buy a brand new V6 car with an mpg figure in the 20s when petrol costs £1.20 a litre. As quick as it might be, it’s not worth the pleasure. What you should really get is the sensible 140bhp diesel which, even when you’ve added the DSG box, costs less than £25k in top-spec Elegance trim.

With the double clutch set-up, the diesel Superb is just as smooth as the V6, barely noisier, cracks 60mph in 10 secs and is still effortlessly torquey – but it’s quoted at 51.4mpg combined. The most economical, cheapest Merc estate diesel is over £6,000 more expensive, 5mpg worse off and only 1 second quicker to 62mph. Its auto box isn’t as smooth as the Skoda’s automated manual either.

Bored of the praise yet? Sorry. It’s nearly over. We’re labouring the point just to make sure you don’t under-estimate quite how brilliant the Skoda is. The E-Class Estate hasn’t been used because it’s an easy benchmark to beat and prove a point – it’s been used because it’s currently the best premium estate on sale, and because it therefore gets the closest to matching the Skoda’s ginormous spread of talent.

So, bad points then. Erm… literally? No. Space, refinement, speed, price, economy, ergonomics, equipment, quality and even styling are all beyond criticism. This is a real second coming for Skoda. After the revelation at the beginning of the last decade that they can make cars as good as anyone else, they’ve now gone and shown that they can actually make cars better than anyone else.

If you can think of another estate that can do everything the Superb does, please let us know. If not, then let’s all form a loyal band of disciples and worship the new Messiah of Estates. If Apple geeks can call the iPhone the Jesus phone, can’t us car geeks call the Superb Estate the Jesus car? You don’t get a brolly in the door of an iPhone anyway.

You half expect BMW’s repsonse to being asked ‘will you ever make an economy model?’ to be ‘Actually, a lot of our normal cars already have Start/Stop, brake energy regeneration and intelligent ancilleries – so that’s like asking the Queen if she’d like a crown you spaz.’. But this 320ED shows that their answer is ‘Why yes. On top of our usual Efficient Dynamics routine, we’re going to go one step further by taking a 320d, detuning the engine, lengthening the final drive ratio, fitting some aero alloys, wrapping them in energy saving tyres and lowering the ride by 15mm.’.

Which is exactly what they’ve done. So while a 320d SE has 184bhp and does 60.1 mpg, a 320ED has 163bhp and does 68.9mpg – the 280lb ft of torque and £27,245 ticket are identical. Jolly good show really. With a 0-62mph time of 8 secs, you do lose half a second to the normal car and forfeit the option of speccing big alloys or M-Sport body kits… but that seems a fair swap for covering an extra 12% of road from each drop of fuel.

And rather cleverly, it’s actually a smoother drive than the standard car. The unsung hero is an unfathomably brilliant device called a Centrifugal Pendulum Absorber, which lives inside the dual mass flywheel and smoothes out the juddering you usually get from a car when it labours at low revs. It works incredibly well, making any vibrations almost imperceptible at slow engine speeds and just as smooth at high ones – so you stay in a higher gear for longer, using less diesel. If you’re lazy, it can trick you out: approach a junction, downchange to third, slow to a crawl, then try and accelerate with the engine still smooth as it languishes at 700rpm. The moral? Don’t be lazy or you’ll bog down. A life lesson.

The rest of the car is exactly how you’d expect a mid-spec BMW 3-Series to be. A fantastically judged 50:50 weighted chassis that’s forgiving and alert in perfect measures, a stubborn resistance against understeer even on the energy saving tyres and, to us at least, no effect whatsoever from being 15mm lower and having a higher final drive ratio than normal. If anything, the tall sidewalls on little wheels make it more compliant than the typical Barry-spec 3-Series on 19″ rims and runflats.

So, what about the three other pesky German midi-execs? Audi make an A4 TDIe which costs a couple of grand less, but is 30bhp and 7mpg down on the 320ED, while Merc will sell you a C220CDI BlueEfficiency for the same price as the Audi, which has the same power as the BMW but is less economical than either. Unless the extra £2k is a deal breaker, the BMW is a no-brainer.

You half expect any manufacturer’s repsonse to being asked ‘does detuning the engine, shrinking the wheels, compromising the tyres and lengthening the gears in the name of economy make your car better to drive?’ to be a pretty straight ‘no’. But BMW actually answer it with a convincing ‘yes’.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Saab revealed the 9-5 will cost from a chunky £26,495 when it arrives in the UK this summer. Mercedes released pics of their horny new SLS GT3 racer. And The Budget happened, with Alistair Darling announcing a 3p per litre increase in fuel tax over the next year, as well as promising £100m to fix potholes and £285m to improve motorways.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Lexus facelifted the IS, adding an F-Sport model with IS-F cosmetics, dropping the CO2 and fuel consumption and improving the sat-nav and stereo. The average CO2 emissions of cars sold in Britain dropped to 149.5g/km. Brabus shoved a 789bhp, twin turbo V12 into the E-Class coupe. And Skoda announced their tweaked Fabia and Roomsters will cost from £9,330 and £11,260.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

The three finalists for the massively relevant World Car of the Year were announced – the Mercedes E-Class, Toyota Prius and Volkswagen Polo. Toyota looked into complaints that some US cars were still accelerating at inconvenient moments. And British racing hero Sir Stirling Moss fell down a lift shaft in his home, breaking both ankles – get well soon wishes to him.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Mercedes revealed their F800 Style Concept, which hints at the face of the next CLS and previews new plug-in hybrid technology. Kia showed off a sketch of their new Magentis which will go on sale early next year. And Audi confirmed production of the RS5, which features a tweaked version of the RS4’s V8 with 444bhp, and a DSG gearbox.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Mercedes announced that their Ferrari 458 Italia rivalling SLS AMG will cost £157,500 when it goes on sale in the UK in July. Porsche released a new £123k 911 Turbo S that’s got 523bhp – 20bhp more than a standard Turbo. And BMW gave the X5 a gentle face-job, improving power and economy and fitting an 8-speed auto as standard.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Toyota released more details of their sticky accelerator problems – 1.8 million cars across Europe are being recalled, UK models listed above. Pictures and details of the Carlsson C25 emerged – a 743bhp supercar based on the Mercedes CL. And McLaren revealed their ‘MP4-25’ 2010 Formula 1 car, with Jenson and Lewis both repeating how they’re looking forward to working TOGETHER.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Parent company of MG, China’s biggest car maker SAIC, announced it will sell the new MG 6 model in Europe this year, building them at Longbridge. Mercedes GP revealed their new car and the colours of their drivers’ helmets – Schumacher’s is red. And after a day of GM rumours built up to an afternoon press conference… Saab still isn’t sold.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Mercedes announced pricing and details for their massive E-Class estate – prices from £29,785, a boot of 1,950 litres, up to 49.6mpg and AdBlue on the E350 BlueTec diesel. Red Bull released a snazzy video of Sebastian Buemi driving on ice in Canada, to celebrate F1’s return to the country. And there were some rumours of Citroen making a DS3 hot hatch.

You might have already seen it. But, then again, maybe you haven’t. Mercedes have made an advert for their new SLS AMG featuring some men wearing important looking earpieces – they’re planning and orchestrating a stunt in which the driver (without an important looking headset) drives the car upside down in a tunnel.

If you’re 12, we’ll save you the hassle of arguing over whether it’s fake or not – of course it’s bloody fake. Still, nice bit of theatre with a nice fast car in it. Great.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Mercedes were rumoured to be at least thinking about putting their ConceptFascination show car into production in 2012, as a 5-Series GT rivalling shooting brake. GM announced a silver lining to their cloud, with a 67% sales increase in China. And a surprisingly complacent Aston Martin asked some teenagers with silly hats to make a viral video for the new Cygnet.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

BMW released pictures of their new 335bhp top-spec Z4, the sDrive 35is, which will get to 62mph in less time than it takes to say its name. The Beijing Automobile Industry Holding Company bought the rights and tools to the Saab 9-3 and 9-5, but didn’t buy the company. And Mercedes said they would have an electric SLS by 2013.

After what felt like 40 days and 40 nights of straight-faced pre-amble, the brand new Audi A8 was released to the world last night, in a live-streamed event from Miami.

With so much build-up it was tricky to avoid the feeling of an enormous anti-climax when the car was released… it looks… just like… an Audi A4… but bigger… and, oh God… with even brighter daytime running lights. But now, in the cold light of day, we’ll give you a quick run down of the facts and pictures.

An 8 speed tiptronic box and Quattro 4wd will be standard on the launch models, with two engines available when it goes on sale in March – a 372bhp V8 4.2 FSI petrol and a 350bhp V8 4.2 diesel with a stonking 590lb ft of torque. Perhaps most impressive is the front wheel drive 201bhp V6 TDI which will arrive at the end of the year, as it puts out just 159 g/CO2 per km – it’ll also be the cheapest, costing from £53k.

It’s smartly techy too. As with the previous A8, it’s made of aluminium, and despite being bigger than the previous car (and bigger than an S-Class or 7-Series), it actually weighs around 30kg less. The MMI interface has been tweaked and given a touch-pad for writing commands on.

The headline technology though, is the pre-sense safety system. In its most basic form, it’ll automatically shut the windows and sunroof, tension the seatbelts and put the hazards on when it detects an emergency stop. In progressively snazzier, pricier versions it can also assist the brake force, automatically apply the brakes and even shift the front seat forwards to help prevent the rear passengers smacking their bonces in a crash.

More modesty, more safety, less weight, less pollution…and absolutely no surprises. Still, we bet the buttons feel a-may-zing.

The Car of the Year 2010 gong has been handed to the VW Polo, sparking a raging debate over what’s less imaginative – the car, or the decision to give it victory. The little Volkswagen pipped the thoroughly interesting Toyota iQ into second place by 10 points, with many pundits claiming Toyota ‘was robbed’, and that the whole scenario is almost as unfair as Ireland not qualifying for the World Cup because of Thierry Henry’s hand ball. Obviously VW didn’t cheat (corruption and bribes have definitely never played a part in the judgement process), but they have got bloody lucky.

Closer inspection of the results shows that the Polo was voted the best car by 25 of the 59 judges, and received a total score of 347 against the iQ’s 24 win votes and 337 points. Here’s a run down of the total scores:

1. Volkswagen Polo 347 points

2. Toyota iQ 337 points

3. Vauxhall Astra 221 points

4. Skoda Yeti 158 points

5. Mercedes-Benz E-class 155 points

6. Peugeot 3008 144 points

7. Citroen C3 Picasso 113 points

Readers with unusual memories, or the ability to click here, will no doubt be keen to point out that the Citroen C3 Picasso which we expected to be fighting the iQ for the top spot actually came last. We’d still have voted iQ first and C3 Picasso first. So there.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

GM announced 9,000 jobs cuts across Europe – 60% will come from Germany, with the rest spread between the UK, Belgium, Spain and Poland. Mercedes and Renault announced that they’re working together to produce a rear-engined city car platform, ready by 2013. Renault also revealed the Gordini Twingo Renaultsport, the first of a range of specials reviving the historic Gordini name.

It’s been destruction derby day at EuroNCAP, with the release of their latest crash test ratings – we see it as our duty to bring you what we learnt from today’s findings.

Well… we learnt that there need to be more stars.

Out of the 12 cars tested, only two didn’t receive the top 5 stars overall. The Mazda3, Infiniti FX, Citroen DS3, Mercedes GLK, Vauxhall Astra, Peugeot 5008, Mercedes E-Class, VW Scirocco, Chevrolet Cruze and BMW X1 all got the full quota.

The dunces were the Toyota Urban Cruiser with 3 stars and Chevrolet Spark with 4. In fairness, Toyota are having a stern word with EuroNCAP as they think there might be some discrepancies. The dropped marks come from a poor performance in the ‘pole side impact’ test.

Anyway, we know that what you really want is to see some crashes – so here’s the 5 star Mercedes E-Class and the 3 star Urban Cruiser… it’s like a morbid spot-the-difference.

If you’d like to see the full test results in a more thorough manner, then get clicking on these yellow words.

The first official pictures of the brand new F10 BMW 5 Series are still warm from the printer, and we’re looking at them.

Out goes Chris Bangle’s trademark funky rump, to be replaced with a slicker, smoother and smarter back end inspired by the 7 Series. Round the front is more slick smoothness, with a nose that’s half 3 Series and half Z4 – which is good. As much as we might miss the angry angles of the outgoing E90, and as much as it still looks amazingly modern, we think the new F10 is exactly what a 5 Series should look like… and perhaps the softer lines means a softer ride. Fingers crossed.

There will be seven engines at launch – three diesel and four petrol. The new bottom feeder is a 1995cc 520d which manages 0-62 in 8.1 secs, rising to the twin turbo V8 petrol 550i which sprints the benchmark in five seconds dead. Most impressive sounding though is the 242bhp 530d which yumps the 0-62mph jog in just 6.3sec, but will also do 44mpg. That’s very clever. We’ll have that one.

Attaching the wheels to the road is a double-wishbone coil-sprung front supension in place of the old car’s MacPherson struts, and multi-link rear suspenson. BMW say it’ll have a more composed ride than the current car, but be as lightfooted as a 3 Series… great. Although it’s a little bit worrying that they’ve fitted a less feelsome electric power steering system, instead of hydraulic.

It’ll go on sale in March 2010, with the cheapest 520d SE costing £28,615 with leather seats for free. The cheapest petrol, the 523i SE, pokes its nose above the £30k barrier which is a shame, costing £30,560. A 550i with all the spec will still cost as much as a row of terraced houses in Macclesfield, and will only appeal to bank robbers who need to get rid of their stash using the subtle landslide of crushing depreciation.

Overall, it looks smart, clean and modern with an interior that’s exactly as you’d imagine. Less garishly vulgar than a new E-Class and more athletic looking than an Audi A6 – there might be a niggling twinge of disappointment over the fact that it will never inspire love/hate pub bust ups like the old E90, but perhaps that’s the point. Instead of being an excellent car with looks you have to justify, it should be an excellent car with looks you barely notice.