on the sidewalls

HIT – Lamborghini Aventador

A V12, 700hp supercar with a shape and details that can only have come from the mind of a hyperactive child on an Ribena drip. 0-62 in 2.9 seconds. A fantastic lunatic.

MISS – Skoda Vision D

Hmmm. Don’t get cocky, Skoda. Don’t blow your chance to run with your ‘People’s Champion’ baton. As well as revealing their new rather stern looking logo, Skoda showed off this equally stern, cold and featureless Octavia sized thing. Doesn’t look like as friendly or happy as the Skodas we’ve grown to love.

HIT – Alfa Romeo 4c

A horny looking coupe, which seemed to be painted in crushed red velvet. Likely to cost £40k and do a sub-5 second 0-62 bolt, it sounds like a TT and Cayman rival – but can Alfa really put together a tight enough drivetrain and chassis to even get near to the mark? Nah. Looks nice though.

MISS – Jaguar XKR-S

Yes, with 542bhp it does have more power than an Aston Martin V12 Vantage… but there’s no disguising the fact that the XK is ancient. A186mph top speed is enormously fast, but give the old girl some dignity. And by dignity we don’t mean a stupid paint job and fussy splitters.

HIT – Ford B-Max

A Fiesta sized mini-MPV with sliding doors and a range of turbocharged tiny engines? Without the overly fussy face of the Focus and the still slightly too Nursing Home friendly vibe of the C-Max? Yes please and thank you. On sale from next year… just don’t mention the word ‘Fusion’

MISS – Subaru Impreza Concept

Oh. Most people didn’t notice this appear at the LA show in November last year. Even less people will have noticed it at Geneva. How long can Subaru keep going?

HIT – Renault Captur

You’d never guess that Nissan and Renault are the best of friends. One has the Juke and the Qashqai, and the other has a Koleos. This ballsy, Juke sized Captur shows that Renault at least have ambitions of closing the style/desirability gap to their Nissan chums.

MISS – Aston Martin Virage

Evolution is a good thing. Part-sharing also fine. But Aston’s ‘new’ Virage, which features the same V12 and same chassis as the rest of their cars is a step too far. As a facelifted DB9, the Virage would be awesome – as a brand new car, it’s a disappointment.

HIT – Ferrari FF

Yes, we’ve seen the pictures already… but look how big the boot is! And it’s not some achingly clever hybrid, it’s just a hulking great 4WD chest wig with a V12 up front. Just so Ferrari’s customers can go skiing. Awesome.

MISS – Toyota FT-86 II

The thought of a rear wheel drive Scirocco rival is exciting. But Toyota have teased us with that thought for so long now that it’s now become boring. And it looks messier than a branch of WHSmith. After a robbery.

STILL NOT SURE – Pagani Huayra

The Huayra should leave us in awe. Reeling at its other-worldly face. But it still hasn’t… does that make it underwhelming? Does that suggest it’s going to be timeless? Nobody knows. But next to an Aventador, it looks like a miserable fish. Judgement is being reserved until we see it for real.

The McStats have been released, the McEmbargo on McDriving-Opinions lifted (not that The Sunday Times or Mail on Sunday gave a rat’s hat about that) and the McFirst-Impressions published on the McInterweb. The McLaren MP4-12C, the McMostImportantSupercarThisCenturySoFar, is here. And? Well? AAAAANDD? COME ON??!! IS IT BETTER THAN THE FERRARI 458 ITALIA OR McBLOODY WHAT?

Well… dunno. There’s a misty fug of reservation hanging over the vast majority of first impression articles, and it’s quite frustrating.

Perhaps it’s because the lucky journos who attended the 12C’s launch event at Portimao didn’t have much time with the car. Perhaps it’s because they’re unwilling to deliver a conclusive opinion before performing some head-to-head tom-hoonery with the big red Fez. Quite right too. Perhaps, and we’ll whisper this quietly, perhaps the car’s befuddling scale of talent has actually caused even the most hyperbolic journos to be… how do I put this… lost for words.

From the cold stats, it’s quite clear that the 12C is an engineering masterpiece. A new, ruthlessly capable, mutli-talented breed of supercar. And a re-invention of the supercar deserves a re-invention of the language used to describe them. A new vocabulary. A new way of telling a story. Fresh syntax. Conventions chucked away. The very best car-explainers will no doubt rise to the challenge and make the 12C leap off a page with the ferocity the car itself leaps off a start-line.

Truth be told, I’m almost as excited about the prospect of reading superbly crafted MP4-12C  reviews as I am about the car itself. So come on car journos, don’t let us down… do like McLaren have done and burn the rulebook. And don’t you dare resort to putting the word ‘clinical’ in every paragraph.

MP4-12C Geek Table

Price: £168,500
Power: 592bhp @ 7,000rpm
Torque: 443lb ft @ 3.000 – 7,000rpm
0-62mph: 3.3 secs (3.1 secs with optional ‘Corsa’ tyres)
Max Speed: 205mph
Kerb Weight: 1434kg
Emissions: 279g/km of CO2
MPG: 24.2mpg combined

The cream of the week’s news in just 60 words

Pagani got the world hacking up phlegm with the release of its impossible-to-pronounce Huayra V12 hypercar. Volkswagen tantalised eco-fans with the remarkably production ready XL1 plug-in diesel hybrid. Toyota teased, again, the universe’s most teased car, their FT-86 coupe – but said very little about it. And Ferrari released a few more pictures of their four seat chest-wig express, the FF.

The cream of the week’s news in just 60 words

Ferrari revealed their first four wheel drive car, the ‘FF’ – it’s got four seats, a 450 litre boot, a 650bhp V12 and looks nothing like a Z3 M Coupe. Caterham unveiled their SP/300.R race car, which goes on sale in 2012. The SMMT announced UK car production rose by 27.1% in 2010. And Murray’s T.27 passed its EU crash test.

Having had a sweet tea, a bracing walk and a glimpse at a picture of an Aston Martin Cygnet to help us get perspective, we can now force our minds to dwell on the Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari. Just. This scintillatingly named creation is basically a Fiat 500 Abarth that, because of some Ferrari decals and a power hike from 135bhp to 180bhp, costs £29,600. Which is twice the price of a normal one. One car for the price of two. OMflippingG.

‘But ha’, you keenly quip, ‘that’s surely the most sensible way to get a Ferrari badged car for £30k’. Well possibly not, we retort. What if we could prove that a £30k Ferrari is a more practical car to own than a £30k Fiat? Using the brilliant F355 and our newly invented ‘Three P’ car buying criteria, we can do just that.

Practicality

The Ferrari F355 has a 220 litre boot, which is 35 litres bigger than the Abarth’s – this means it can hold more shopping, so you’re less likely to starve to death. With a time of 4.6 seconds, the Ferrari will accelerate to 60mph 2.4 seconds quicker than the Abarth, which makes it safer when pulling into small gaps at a junction. It’s also got much wider tyres, helping it grip harder and letting you drive faster… meaning you get to work quicker to earn more money.

The Ferrari’s 310mm front brake discs will stop the car more abruptly than the Abarth’s 284mm units, allowing you to leave braking until the very last millisecond – again saving time. And, should you be chased by a gunman, the Ferrari will leave your life in less peril than the Abarth, as its 184mph top speed is much faster than the Abarth’s 140mph escape velocity. The Ferrari is, on many levels, a more practical car.

Pleasure

Some aspects of car ownership aren’t objective. The beauty of the styling, the smell of the interior, the noise of the engine… there are attributes that transcend the mechanical and appeal on an emotional level. This is where the Ferrari really excels.

Its 375bhp, 3.5 litre V8 engine is not only 195bhp more powerful than the Abarth’s turbocharged 1.4 litre 4 pot wheezer, but much kinkier. Being mounted directly behind your head, and with less damping between it and the chassis, the Ferrari’s engine rasps and resonates not only through the air, but also through your body.

The Pininfarina styling of the Ferrari is cleaner and sharper than the Fiat penned 500… and, even in the words of a tedious cretin, the interior ‘is a much nicer place to be’. The Ferrari is, on many levels, a more pleasurable car.

Pennies

Now for the real surprise. We already know that the Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari costs a ‘are you sure that’s not in Zimbabwean dollars’ sum of £29,600. For a supermini, that’s financial rape – a well looked after Ferrari F355, for example, can actually be had for less.

And before you bleat on about how the Ferrari will cost more to run, consider how quickly a Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari will depreciate. Normal versions of the pudgy Fiat are worth about 46% of their value after three years. We’ll be kind and say the special edition will hold 50%… that still means you’ll take a £15k hit over three years.

Even having to spend £10k replacing the F355’s weak points of catalytic converter, manifolds and cam-belt, you’ll be £5k better off after three years than in the Abarth… which you can spend on petrol and insurance. With no depreciation to speak of, the Ferrari is, on many levels, a more affordable car.

A bigger boot, better performance and a smaller fiscal punch – if you want a £30k Ferrari, buy an F355. Don’t buy a Fiat.

Just like kids always tell outlandish lies to their mates, motorshows always feature ridiculous concept cars. As fictional as the powertrains and styling may be, they at least serve as a statement of intent, showing what technology the R&D department is spending its money on, and what direction a manufacturer’s style house is heading. Here are the best concepts of Geneva 2010.

Citroen Survolt

At Frankfurt, Citroen had the unfortunately named Revolte – a fictional car apparently designed for Penelope Pit Stop. At Geneva, they ran with the ‘girl racer’ theme and showed off the Survolt – an electric, two-door sports car which had lots of pink on it.

We asked Citroen man whether the little eye lashes were hinting at the shape of future Citroen daytime running lights, and whether the size and shape of the car (a Megane sized, Scirocco bating coupe) hinted at a future model, but he didn’t confirm or deny. Which means ‘well, yes… probably. But the boss in France has told me to keep schtum.’ Nice looking car, with a hint of Veyron on the shoulders. Because you’re worth it.

Ferrari 599 HY-KERS

Not a Ferrari designed for the strong-legged hiking community, but one built with a Formula One style KERS hybrid system. It’s just a concept at the moment, but Ferrari have been running a car with a similar system for nearly a year, so similar technology is likely to trickle down – the California will come with a stop/start system soon, for a start.

SEAT IBE

A quiet surprise from SEAT was their little electric shooting break/hatch, which is apparently running on similar gubbins to VW’s UP city car. It’s got a 75kW electric motor which can whiz it to 62mph in less than 10 seconds, because it only weighs around a tonne.

It might turn out to just be pure fiction, but with the VW Group having the UP and Bluesport electric cars, it’s not hard to imagine the next Leon, Ibiza or new SEAT coming with an electric powertrain.

Porsche 918 Spyder Plug-In Hybrid

This was the shock of the show, catching everyone by surprise when it was unveiled on Monday night. It looked stunning, with wheels, lines and vents that begged to be put into production… which might not be as far away as first appears – rumours have it that this will be the Carrera GT’s replacement.

It’s easy to sneer at the stats for being works of pure fiction, but Porsche aren’t usually ones to invent figures without serious groundwork behind them, so here’s hoping all this can be real: 500bhp V8, 218bhp electric motor, 70g.km of CO2, 94mpg and 0-62mph in 3.2 seconds. Porsche also claim it laps the Nurburgring quicker than the Carrera GT. Keep an eye out for it – they’ve kept it secret for this long after all.

McLaren’s well groomed men are bringing their new £170k MP4-12C supercar into its final stages of development, with track testing taking place at Spain’s version of Millbrook – Applus IDIADA. Whereas previous MP4-12C development cars have been produced to test individual components, these new ‘XP Beta’ machines are far closer to being production ready, with a revised engine, new gear ratios, more efficient cooling, new suspension geometry and upgraded electrical architecture.

According to McLaren, the testing and development process involves a core team of around 25 technicians poring over the car 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in a testing programme they claim is as at least as intense as a Formula One car’s. Not only that, but Programme Director Mark Vinnels is already confident of the car’s ability: ‘The benchmark competitor vehicles we have tested become nervous and twitchy at higher speed, but the 12C feels more stable than anything I have driven. Because the bump rejection is so good, the ride is smooth and the steering is solid.’

In this video, Mark Vinnels and Chief Test Driver Chris Goodwin explain the development process while driving the car on road and track. As hyperbolic teasers go, it’s up with the best…

Here’s hoping the matt black vinyl wrap of the development cars makes it onto an options list…

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Toyota had a bad day – after announcing 750 job losses at their Burnaston plant in Derbyshire, they extended their American sticky accelerator recall to Europe. Ferrari unveiled their 2010 Formula One car. Ford made a profit for the first time in four years. And Audi’s relentless viral campaign to promote the A1 continued, with a horrible video involving German footballers.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Ferrari announced the 458 Italia will cost £169,545 when it goes on sale in May… before adding options like the £2k electric seats and £1k wing badges. Audi revealed another A1 teaser picture, where the car is in the dark, obscured by a man with smarmy hair. And Vauxhall released interior pictures of the new Meriva, featuring lots of buttons.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Mini released pictures of their ‘Beachcomber’ concept car, hinting at what the 2010 Mini Countryman would look like if it didn’t have any doors – i.e. slightly daft. Bugatti showed off three largely irrelevant Veyron special editions, which they will only sell in the Middle East. And Donato Coco, previously the design boss of Ferrari, joined Lotus as Director of Design.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Alfa Romeo revealed a jazzed over, matt black version of the Brera made in conjunction with designer label Italia Independent. Ford tweaked the S-Max and Galaxy, giving both cars a new ‘Ecoboost’ turbocharged 2.0 petrol with around 200bhp but 189g/km of CO2, as well as upgraded diesels and funked cosmetics. And Ferrari said Schumacher was free to leave their contract.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

In a slow news day, there was a small furore around Autocar’s discovery of some Ferrari patent drawings showing a new door design – hinged at the wing, opening diagonally upwards. Crazy Dutch car-maker Spyker will move their manufacturing to crazy… Coventry. And Bernie Ecclestone gave Silverstone until the 11th December to finalise the deal on hosting the 2010 British GP.

Noting the international coverage Bugatti gained from their Texan lake videos, Ferrari president Luca Montezemolo performed his own incident in a Ferrari California.

Unfortunately, despite having his 2010 F1 drivers Alonso and Massa in the back, it looked rubbish compared to driving a Veyron into a lake. The moral of the story? Always carry a low flying pelican.

With a lot of mags getting their first drives of the Ferrari 458 Italia, McLaren’s MP4-12C was missing out on some of the hyperbolic coverage its used to. So to make amends, McLaren made a little behind-the-scenes film featuring engineers, test drivers and technicians all chatting about their new baby. It’s pretty interesting… and not just because it gives us the first ever chance to hear it being ragged.

… And once you’ve paid your dues to the brave folks that stopped us from having to drive round in Beetles, there’s another Gran to worship – the Turismo type. Having not played the ‘best driving game ever’ since thraping a TVR Cerebera around Trial Mountain in GT2, we’ll put our hands up and admit we’re a bit late off the mark. But bloody hell, haven’t things moved on? It’s no doubt enhanced by the fact our game heads have been under a pixellated rock for 7 years, but GT 5 looks smoother, sexier and sweeter than a Muller Fruit Corner. Have a look at this trailer, featuring a Ferrari 458 Italia:

If that’s gaming, we’re quitting life and going virtual from now on. It’s like we’ve just caught up with the world. So, erm… thanks for waiting. See you in the virtual queue at play.com when it’s out in March next year.

Archaic amazement complete.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

After plenty of tea and complex abacus arrangements, GM decided that it won’t be selling Opel and Vauxhall after all – GM in the UK are yet to comment on whether the men of Luton and Ellesmere Port will have a happy Christmas. And Ferrari rumours suggested the next 612 will be the company’s first 4×4, with electrically powered front wheels.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out smaller.

The ‘diversification’ of Porsche shows no signs of slowing, with the unveiling of its models for the next 5 years… with a worrying amount of SUVs and hybrids. Ferrari announced a drop in profits in the last quarter of 2009, despite a new range of plastic carriage clocks. And Ford bosses announced they might offload Volvo to Chinese company Geely.

If you’re a massive fan of geeky one-upmanship, desperate PR stunts and excellent examples of how not to use captions when making a viral video, have a look at Utlima’s bwarp-fest below. It appears to show the Ultima GTR720 breaking the lap time set by the Ferrari FXX around the Top Gear test track. Beyond all the spiel, it’s a decent watch of a decent driver thraping a decent car. So, enjoy it:

Note pioneering use of the phrase ‘dump off the speed’ when referring to brakes – Ferrari wouldn’t say that, so Ultima win.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out smaller.

Ex-Ferrari F1 boss Jean Todt was voted in as the President of the FIA, delighting everyone who enjoys moaning about F1’s bias towards red cars. Classic car fans cried 4 star tears as the extended scrappage scheme kicked off. And Ultima quietly blew their own trumpet by claiming their GTR has set a new record round Top Gear’s test track.

Green is still only cool in theory

It’s getting boring really. For approximately basically ages, manufacturers have been promising to build the insane hybrid concept cars they bandy around at motorshows. We’re teased with teardrop shapes, smooth glasshouses and mpg figures in the hundreds – and then consistently disappointed.

VW were showing off their 1L concept car – it looks like a drop of mercury, has a 0.8 litre diesel engine with electric motor and will do about 180mpg. They bragged about producing the diesel engine by basically chopping a current 1.6 litre diesel in half, and told us it was definitely ready to build. That’s great. But the only actual green car they had to offer was the new Polo Bluemotion – 70-odd mpg, no electric engine and a bit of a dull face.

or this…

The same was true at BMW – they teased us with their Efficient Dynamics Vision concept which, thanks to a combination of diesel and electricity, has the speed of an M3 but CO2 emissions of just 99g/km. But the latest green car we can actually drive? A 320d that does 57.4 mpg and definitely isn’t as fast as an M3. Hilarious.

or this…

It’s about time concept car one-upmanship was actually put into practice; we’ve been teased for too long.

British rivals were born

The Bentley Mulsanne and Rolls Royce Ghost were unleashed onto each other. The Bentley is unforgivably ugly, but has the pedigree of being an all-new design:

The Rolls looks awesome, but is basically a BMW 7 Series talking in a posh English accent. Bentley pedigree versus Rolls Royce style… we’d take the Rolls – it’s got a V12 over the Bentley’s V8.

GM left a nasty taste

The new Vauxhall Astra and Saab 9-5 were revealed – both GM designs that have now been left to their new respective owners Magna and Koenigsegg. Unfortunately, both cars are perfect examples of what GM do best… the bare minimum.

The Astra, which will be UK built, fares marginally better with a tidy Insignia-aping interior and bland solidity outside, but the Saab looked very sorry indeed. Again, the interior fares better with the usual Saaby ergonomics and materials, but outside is more of a facelift than re-style. Both cars go on sale in the middle of 2010 and will hopefully be profitable enough to put their new owners in better financial health than GM – in the case of the Astra, some Northerner’s jobs are relying on it.

The battle of the 21^st Century is coming

Days before the show, McLaren announced their new MP4-12C supercar. It’s a bespoke McLaren design, features a one-piece carbon fibre chassis and every single component (3.8 litre twin turbo V8 engine included), will be built by McLaren themselves. It’ll crack 0-62mph in under 4 secs, has 600bhp and will top 200mph – all for £150k when it goes on sale in 2011.

Despite not even being at Frankfurt, it made Ferrari and Mercedes look silly.

Ferrari unveiled their actually quite nice looking 458 Italia, and Mercedes their power-snouted SLS AMG – both the same price, performance and power as the McLaren, but too flash looking in comparison. Frank Stephenson’s 12C design is deliberately low-key – predicting that the age of the noisy, shouty supercar is over as well all get swallowed up by eco-modesty.

Looking at all three, it’s hard not too agree – while the McLaren isn’t as immediate as the other two it already looks timeless and classy. It’s like the SLS and 458 already trying too hard to beat it. The Merc and the Ferrari go on sale next year – our money would be not to buy either until the McLaren is released, unless you’ve got a chestwig.

The Jaguar XJ still has a squiffy rear quarter

It’s a British Ian Callum design, so we’re all expecting it to be a grower not a shower, but it’s taking its time. The front looks mean, sleek and powerful. But that back… well, it looks like a Hyundai. For the time being. Hopefully, Callum’s designed in so much ‘acquaintance time’ that the day it goes on sale (in December 2009) will be the first day it actually looks good.

The future does exist

Despite every car maker selling wildly reduced numbers of cars, think half the quantity of two years ago for some, clever financial men have made sure their companies can still afford to make cars. Quite how they’ve done it is anyone’s guess, but after speaking to various industry types, there was a feeling of optimism that was missing from the last Geneva show just six months ago. Back then, there was panic – when would the customers come back? What will we do with the cars we’ve already built and can’t sell? How will we afford our ludicrous research and development costs? When will sales pick back up to where they were in 2007?

The optimism hasn’t come from a pick-up in sales, or a change in fortune – it’s come from accepting the grim reality that things will never be as they were. Sales will probably never reach the dizzy pre-crisis heights. Now that manufacturers have come to terms with that, the panic has subsided and they can settle into just working with the funds and sales they have. With forecasts adjusted to reality instead of crystal ball optimism, and with the dead-wood sold off or downsized, car makers can focus on looking forward and working instead of looking back and worrying.