Let’s start off with a simple fact: the Citroen DS4 is NOT a pick-up truck. It’d be crap at taking rubble to the tip, it doesn’t lumber on leaf springs and people won’t think you’ve got a tattoo of a bear on your chest if you drive it. What it is though, is almost every other type of car in existence.

A hot hatch for starters. Quite a good one actually. Fitted with the same 200bhp petrol engine that nestles behind the recently-caught-trout-face of the Peugeot RCZ, the DS4 can parp and charge with all the passion of a violently farty bullock. It’ll rattle off the 0-62 run in less than 8 seconds and keep the needle nudging clockwise to 146mph.

Quite bafflingly, and despite its parpiness, the DS4 is also a crossover. The driving position is described by the vaguely pornographic term of ‘semi-command’ – meaning while you can’t see over other cars, you are just about high enough to implement a condescending stare. The ride height too, which is the car’s least convincing symptom of being a jack of all trades, makes the car look rufty tufty rather than lanky.

Yet, despite the wheel arch gaps, it’s also a surprisingly spikey coupe. The suspension is stiffer and sharper than the Arran-sweater wearing C4 on which it’s based, resulting in a little victory over the supposed effects of a high centre of gravity.

It changes direction well, grips like a leech on a fatty and possesses that rarest of qualities in a modern car – steering feel. The electro-hydraulic steering (instead of purely electric) and racy Michelin Pilot Sport tyres deserve thanks for this. Subtle rubbery granules pulsing through the palms… what a treat.

We’re not quite finished yet – the DS4 is a sensible hatchback too. When it goes on sale in Autumn 2011, the cheapest model will cost around £18,000 and be fitted with a 1.6HDi engine capable of 60mpg while emitting 122g/km of CO2. Spec the clicky flap EGS gearbox and the figures improve to 64mpg with 114g/km. And the 385 litre boot is actually slightly bigger than the supposedly more sensible C4’s. Ooooh.

Did we mention the interior has an authentic touch of luxury car about it? Well it has.

Of course, this melee of contradictory goodness has led to some less welcome quirks. For a starter, it’s the only five-door hatch we know where the rear windows don’t open. Citroen’s spin wizard quite nonchalantly explained that ‘it’s because the DS4 is a coupe and coupe’s don’t have opening rear windows do they?’. Err, it’s a hatchback and a lot of coupes do have hinged rear windows actually.

Secondly, the gap betwixt wheel and wheel arch looks daft. But that’s about it. The DS4 really has nailed the fast/fun/frugal/stylish/sporty/spacious/different/not too bloody weird combo incredibly well. Makes a Countryman look… well, like the first syllable of its name.

We started with a fact, so we’ll end with another: the Citroen DS4 is the least compromising compromise in motoring. And we like it a lot.

It’s the time of year when the world’s men-folk indulge in one of their Top 5 Favourite Activities – making and reading lists. So as a Christmas present to you loyal reader(s), we’re going to write a list all of our own. Lady and Man, we present The Top Five Cars We’ve Driven in 2010.

5. Mitsubishi Evo X FQ400

When we bagged the keys to Mitsubishi’s window-licking hyper-saloon, we were immediately stunned. This wasn’t just a creaky jap-box being kept alive with a huge iron lung of a turbo, but an incredibly well set-up and easy to drive weapon. Even in the hands of ham-fisted amateurs like ourselves, it danced, whooshed, raced and destroyed. Simultaneously flattering and brutal.

Yes it looks daft, has a tacky interior, costs £50k and won’t do 20mpg – but that’s why it’s only at number 5. For being brilliant as well as preposterous, the Fahk-You-400 makes the list.
Read our original review here.

4. Citroen DS3

Not long ago, Citroen showrooms resembled branches of Lidl – cheap stock piled high to shift quick. To mums and dads after a bargain C4 Picasso, it was great. But everybody else wanted to shop in Waitrose. Which is where the DS3 came in.

Suddenly, Citroen had a posh little car that was genuinely desirable instead of apologetically affordable. The styling was sharp and different, the engines were consistently strong and even the chassis could flick its skirt like a saucy French maid. To our senses, it doesn’t quite match the dynamic ability of a Mini… but in every other respect, it’s better. One of very few new cars we’d actually buy with real-life monies.

Read our original review here.

3. Skoda Superb Estate

The car that took Skoda from plucky underdog to class-leader. While the previous Superb never quite had the gumption to live up to its name, this one wears it with pride. You know the bullied kid at school who goes away for a year, comes back buff and kicks the giblets out of everyone? That’s the Superb. Only it’s far less angry.

Priced from less than £18k, you get the second biggest boot of any estate car in the UK (only beaten by the Merc E-Class), a faultless interior, the best of VW’s current engines and more rear leg-room than anything this side of a Rolls Phantom. It ticks boxes that don’t even exist. There’s even a brolly in the door.
Read our original review here.

2. Honda CR-Z

Shock! ‘The World’s First Sporty Hybrid’© actually is! But strangely, most of its endearing features have little to do with the combination of electricity and combustion under its skin. What stands out for us is the design and engineering that have gone into making it fun to drive.

A snicky six speed manual gearbox. A rorty-on-request exhaust note. Beautifully judged spring and damper settings. A sci-fi-tastic digital hub of a dashboard. Grip and balance that are tweakable on the road. An 80s wedge shape that also nods to the obligatory eco-car steam iron aesthetic. A super-strong chassis with the torsional rigidity of a Civic Type-R. The CR-Z is an incredibly well resolved little car. That it’s cheaper than a Scirocco, C-Charge exempt, costs peanuts to tax and is as economical as a stodgy diesel is a bonus.
Read our original review here.

1. Ford Focus RS500

By far the most memorable car we’ve driven this year, and not just because we drove 800 miles in 24 hours. It’s impossible to imagine how the RS500 shovels on speed until you’ve driven one – we’d swear that only an M3 or 911 Carrera upwards would be able pull away. Extra brownie points are awarded for its ability to achieve such fierce levels of acceleration while maintaining the standard RS’s gloriously granular steering and sweetly weighted controls.

The RS500 is a heart-on-the-sleeve working class hero… it’s carrying a bunch of flowers while beating someone up with beer barrel biceps. How Ford made a £35,000, FWD, 345bhp hatchback quite so appealing is a mystery. But they have.

And there’s a bigger reason to pay respect too. The RS500 marks the end of an era for all the gloriously kinky cars that are being killed because they don’t meet the Euro V emissions regulations: Mazda RX-8, Honda Civic Type-R, VW V10 TDI Touareg and Alfa Romeo 3.2 V6 – it’s a swan song for all of them. Instead of seeming like an over-specced Essex spacker-hatch designed to make some chavs have a wank, it feels like a little chunk of automotive history. It’s etched into our minds… there’s just something about it that gives it an air of importance. A moment in time.

So while Ford could have given the bonkers Focus RS a bolt-gun to the head and packed it off quietly, they didn’t. They made it more powerful, more expensive and more memorable – and that’s why it’s top of the list. Respeck.

Read our original review here.

Greatest Hits albums are generally tragic affairs. Bought as presents by clueless Aunties, they’re compiled by record labels in a bid to scrape cash from artists who can’t be arsed to write anything new. Or are dead. Tacky, unimaginative and cynical… you’d never be daft enough to buy one yourself.

So the fact that the Juke is styled as some kind of compilation is a worry. Yes, first impressions are that it’s a totally original, barking mad mentalist with lines that are as challengingly cock-eyed as Natalie Cassidy’s face… but look closer.

It’s just a Greatest Hits album. A 370Z’s rear lights. A Qashqai’s chunkiness. A Murano’s techo-oddness. The top spec Juke even has GT-R DNA in its torque vectoring 4×4 system. As excellent as the ingredients are, they’re not new. It may as well be called ‘Nissan’s Best: The 21st Century So Far…’

So. Does that mean it’ll just be bought as a present by your Auntie? And does it just warrant the response ‘I’m sure it’s great… but I’d prefer some new songs actually.’? No. Because thanks to some weird aesthetic alchemy, the Juke is the first ever Greatest Hits that feels box fresh.

Dynamically, the Juke pulls off a smart trick – ‘semi-command’ loftiness without too much wobble and thunk. The way it mixes ride height, agility and comfort is no revolution, and it can’t match the exquisitely damped balance of the lower-down Ford Fiesta, but it still feels fresh under your bum. Different, fun and good.

It’s tidy inside too. While the Juke doesn’t have door cards made of natural sponge or seats trimmed with albino bison leather, the flashes of colour and motorbike-petrol tank style transmission tunnel make it look like something new instead of a Nissan ‘Best Of’ re-hash.

The Juke even does tedious things like making sense as an affordable, practical car. Costing from £13k to £20k, it’s well priced to take on alternative superminis like the Mini, Citroen DS3 and Audi A1. And as the Juke’s basic shape is just a square box, it’s actually more spacious to sit in than any of them.

Despite no single part of it being revolutionary, the Juke still feels sparkly and exciting. So while its Audi A1 rivalling price lumps it into the ‘premium supermini’ class of cars that are posher but objectively no better than a Fiesta, its actually unpretentious enough to cut a dash all of its own.

Nissan have made something very unusual – a greatest hits album you actually want to buy.

A few months ago, the Paris Motorshow sounded like it was going to be feeble. An Audi A7 (pictured), a BMW X3, a front wheel drive Freelander and a fictional KIA that sounded like a fizzy drink. Dull, tedious, anodyne. Then news broke that Chevrolet were planning to exhibit a five door Cruze. Bloody hell. Watching a nun play solitaire in the dark sounded more exciting.

But then… KERPOW!! Some exciting things were announced. Paris 2010 is going to be a belter. So here are five good reasons to face the French capital’s traffic between the 2nd and 17th of October. Five door Cruze not included.

A Mystery Lamborghini

The Murcielago is dead. Long live whatever Lambo give us at Paris. It’s likely to be called the Jota, will no doubt come with a hulking great V12 engine that’s more powerful than the Merci’s but 20% MORE ECONOMICAL…and, according to internet fiction-mongers, it might even have scissor doors. Leading up to the show, Lamborghini are going to release six teaser pictures of the car, of which this is the first…

Lotus Going Mental

UK Lotus PR bossman, who we’ll call Flo-Rida, has got himself into such a tizz about the countless new Lotus products that he’s forgotten to actually tell anyone what they are… so we’ll mainly have to guess. The only thing we know for sure is that Flo-Rida is taking a 1970s Esprit to the show, so we can safely expect Lotus to reveal the long awaited 21st Century Esprit – complete wth mid mounted, turbocharged V8 engine.

We also know that the Evora has been given a supercharger, hiking power to around 400bhp (that’s no real secret. Might have seen one driving around Millbrook…). They’ll also show off an Evora with an auto-box, made especially for Americans that suffer from muscle wastage in their fat left leg.

On top of that, there’s likely to be a 21^st Century re-imagination of the iconic Lotus Seven sports car, as well as two brand new cars with hybrid powertrains – one a GT, the other closer to the Lotus philosophy of performance through lightweight, but possibly front wheel drive. Details are thin on the ground (and possibly non-existent), but with two new Evoras, an Esprit, a new Seven and two hybrids, expect Lotus to be the centre of attention.

Some French Cars

Being as the show’s in Paris, Citroen, Peugeot and Renault want to get lots of attention. Citroen and Renault might actually get some. New cars with a double chevron badge will include the handsome DS4 (pictured), the ‘well proportioned’ new C4 as well as their nutty electric concept cars the RevoltE and Survolte.

Renault will be distracting people away from the tedium of a facelifted Laguna with their swoopy work of fiction, the DeZir. As a funky platform for new designer Laurens van den Acker to show off his craft, the DeZir suggests that the next generation of Renaults will ditch daintiness in favour of more muscular lines and…blah. Just use your eyes. Your imagination is as good as anyone else’s.

Finally, Peugeot will have the new 508 saloon, which replaces the 407 and 607. Good for them

Ugly Mercedes CLS

When designing the brand new CLS, Mercedes must have frequently asked ‘how on earth do we replace the world’s first four door coupe?’. No matter what they did, the new car would no longer be a world first and therefore lack impact and seem unimaginative.

After countless board meetings where design executives aggressively debated how to follow up such a handsome, groundbreaking car they settled on a tag for the brand new CLS. One they felt would get as much coverage as the original. One with talkability. Impact. They produced The World’s Ugliest Four Door Coupe. You can’t miss seeing this in the flesh.

Jaguar Coupe and Estate

Now that the bread and butter of the XF and the XJ are out and about, Jag can get a jiggle on with expanding their range. At Paris, they’re likely to show off a new XF based coupe and roadster, possibly called the C-Type or XC, as well as an XF estate. It’s unlikely that any new engines will be released, but a small XF based coupe with an angry face and XF-R engine is a lip smacking prospect. Also, let’s not forget that estates are cooler than saloons – so an XF Wagon will be ice cold. Especially with that new 3.0 turbodiesel engine.

So, there you have it. Go to the Paris motorshow… loads of fast, stylish cars and hardly a whiff of a hybrid. Makes a change.

You can tell a lot about a car’s character from the material covering the inside of its A-pillars. Cheap, brittle little cars have pillars garnished with the type of plastic that photocopier paper trays are made of. Expensive, plush cars have smartly upholstered fabric pillars that invite a casual backhand stroke.

Usually, it’s a pretty clear-cut affair: fabric or plastic. Good or bad. But the revised MiTo is deceptive. For three whole days, we thought the pillars were fabric… and true to analogy, the car stood up well. It felt premium and strokeable.

The premium-ness actually comes from a couple of new MultiAir engines – the most newsworthy of a variety of changes that took place at the end of 2009. Instead of the valves being moved by the camshafts, they’re controlled electronically in a manner that can either boost economy or power. Sounds simple, but making an engine’s valves move independently of engine speed is ruddy smart. Feels it too.

At low revs, the 135bhp turbocharged 1.4 MultiAir engine fitted to our mid-spec £16k Veloce model (there’s also an £18k 170bhp Cloverleaf version) is quiet and docile, but torquey and flexible. Ask it to do something more interesting and it changes character entirely, giving a surge that you’d never think was coming from such a small capacity. The combination of 50.4mpg, 129g/km and 8.4 second 0-62mph time give paper-proof to the tarmac impression.

The strokeability comes from gently caressed steering software. The MiTo used to feel like it had been programmed by the chap that engineered Sega Rally – a light, numb action with inconsistent resistance trying to emulate genuine weight. It was bad. Now though, it’s better… and the body control and general nimbleness are still just as respectable as they have always been.

For the first three days of our week with the MiTo, those were our impressions. Clever engine, improved steering, decent dynamics and pleasantly upholstered A-pillars. But then we got stuck in a traffic jam and it all started to unravel. In a moment of boredom, a restless index finger stretched out like E.T to touch a pillar and – O M Flipping G. They’re plastic. It’s a fake! Closer inspection of the whole car was of course now required. So instead of waiting in the traffic jam and marvelling at the Start/Stop system, we turned off and took the rurals… and it didn’t go that well.

Look past the clear improvements to the steering and the persistent faults of the MiTo’s set-up remain. There’s still a dead spot in the middle, a lack of feedback and an impression that any apparent ‘weight’ that builds through a corner is actually a computerised, artificial response instead of a physical, rubbery one.

Tuning into the car over the A-roads that people used before the M42 existed, more faults revealed themselves. The gearchange, which to our pre-pillar revelation selves had basically felt fine, was baulky and vague under closer inspection. The engine, which is easily the car’s strongest feature, developed an attitude problem if asked to do anything useful above 5,000rpm. The car’s ability to deal with any significant lumps was noisily absent too. The MiTo showed itself up to be dynamically inferior to not just the Mini, but also the Citroen DS3.

Thought turned to the MiTo’s DNA system, which adjusts throttle response and steering weight from All-weather to Normal to Dynamic. Being human, we’d always switched the MiTo to Dynamic for the sharpest responses… but now, in a move to find a better set-up, it was switched back to Normal. Perhaps this would reveal more a more natural side, with a smoother power delivery and less computerised resistance to the steering. Not a chance. It just makes the throttle so baggy that you genuinely think you’re in third when pulling away from a junction.

Then we got back home, still annoyed that the car had tricked us into thinking it had fabric A-pillars, not plastic ones. And the deception sums it up well. On the face of it, the MiTo is desirable, smartly engineered and good to jaunt about in; a car you’d buy if you want a Mini but can’t stomach actually buying a Mini. Initially, the MiTo is also just as satisfying to drive as the German too – but there’s a numbness and artificiality lurking beneath the surface – cheap plastic where you expect nice fabric, and dynamic niggles where you expect simple pleasures. If you never delve beneath the surface of a car, the MiTo will be fine… just don’t look for any hidden depths. You might scratch the A-pillars.

Ageing N*Sync star and famous ex-fondler of Britney’s Spears, Justin Timberlake, has long been known as the main ambassador of Audi’s A1, and now it’s getting serious – he’s going to star in six short films to promote the car ahead of its UK launch in October.

The first episode shows Justin (who in the film is actually called John), enjoying a coffee while chatting to a bossy sounding fellow on the phone. Rather annoyingly for Justin, sorry… John, the conversation with the bossy man is interrupted by an abrupt woman who happens to be under fire. He helps the abrupt woman escape from the cafe before being told to drive her away in her Audi A1. The moral? The Audi A1 will be bought by abrupt woman who can’t drive the thing with heels on.

Who knows what the next episode will bring. Does abrupt woman accidentally call John Justin? Will abrupt woman calm down? Will we find out who bossy man is? Will Justin do some acting? Will he get his computer back from the cafe? Will the abrupt lady learn to drive her own car? Well, all those questions and possibly more will be answered when the next episode is released in a week’s time – check back here to find out. Can’t wait.

There’s a chicken/egg parallel to the premium supermini market. What came first; the new Mini, or the public’s lust for a posh small car? Almost definitely the former. The car came first, BMW made us want it and now it’s King of the Cocks – a shiny feathered man hen that everyone wants a piece of. Which makes the Citroen DS3 a hungry, wily fox.

And it’s got a lot to do… even after nearly a decade of lording it about the farm on its own, the Mini is yet to be faced with a fox to match it. The Fiat 500 is cheap and cuddly but a bit soft. The Alfa MiTo has an 8C’s face but is secretly rubbish to drive. And the Audi A1 looks great but doesn’t exist yet. The DS3 could be the first bushy tailed urban warrior with a full quota of Mini chomping teeth.

It’s certainly got a wide enough grin… and that counts for a lot when appealing to the clutch-bagged shoppers who want a Mini. LED daytime running lights set the DS3 up with a tarty, glitzy look that only gets more impressive as you head to further down its plumage. Chrome door handles look posh; half-cut, forward leaning B-pillars look mad and smartly surfaced bejewelled lights and badges out-style the Mini in one glance. Fox is sexier than the Cock.

That’s half of the battle won, really. But not all of it. Because Citroen, despite their ginormous improvements over the past few years, still have the slight whiff of ‘value’ around them… and ‘value’ doesn’t sit well with ‘premium’. So, it’s actually a good thing that the DS3 isn’t an awful lot cheaper than a Mini.

Prices start at £11,700 for a 95bhp 1.4VTi petrol with 95bhp – £500 less than the Mini One with similar power, and go up to £15,600 for a 110bhp 1.6HDi diesel with 110bhp – £750 more than a Mini Cooper D with similar power. Awkwardly, or perhaps cleverly, the best DS3, our £15,900, 150bhp 1.6 petrol sneaks into the middle ground between the Cooper and Cooper S for both price and power. Wily, wily Fox avoiding direct Cock comparison.

Perhaps it’s no surprise that Citroen didn’t want their fastest DS3 to square right up to either of the sporty Minis – because even after some sharpening up, the C3 chassis which underpins the DS3 can’t perform the some hot-footed chicken dance as the Mini. It’s not overly baggy or dull, but there’s a touch more body roll, an inch more squat and dive than you’d get in a Mini andless feel through the steering. The upside is a slightly more compliant ride, but there’s no mpg payoff for the softer edge – 42.2mpg is good for a 150bhp petrol, but not so smart next to the 52mpg Cooper and 48mpg Cooper S.

Quite how much the average Mini driver appreciates the chassis under them is up for debate though – so, ignoring the mpg figure, maybe the DS3’s slightly softer set-up will be a good thing. Comfort lovers will prefer the Citroen’s interior too – lighter, less fussy and more spacious, and you get the sense it won’t develop rattles quite as quickly as a Mini too. The 280 litre boot makes the Mini’s 160 litre hole look like somewhere even a battery hen would baulk at too.

So is the DS3 foxy enough to take the King of the Cocks off its pedestal? Not quite. It’s got a better combination of style, space and comfort – but that can’t quite make up for the inferior dynamics and economy. The DS3 deserves to do well on the talents it’s got, but it’s going to have to hand the chicken killing responsibility to the Audi A1. It better start sharpening its teeth now.

Kia have already proved they can strum a strong Cee’d with their Focus worrying family hatch – but can they bash out the same success in the super competitive mini-MPV genre? Their new Venga, Spanish for ‘come’, is finally splashing onto the scene to try just that! So, can it fly in the faces of established rivals like the Citroen C3 Picasso, or is it just a horrible lonely mess? Auto Exclamation puts its latex gloves on and finds out!

There’s only one place to start – and that’s with a fumble in the back! The Venga needs frolic friendly fold flat seats, with slidey, spacious flexibility to compete with the Picasso! So has it?

Yes! The rear seats slide back and forth to fit legs, luggage or a mix of both, they fold flat for big loads or long umbrellas, split 60/40 and even recline for laid back karma sutra practising! The 1253 litres of maximum space might be a couple of hundred down on the C3 Picasso, but you’ll never notice! You can come or go as you please in the boot… but clean up afterwards please!

She’s not as easy going and encouraging when you move on to the next level though! There’s inconsistency in her responses – and we blame the electric power steering! Turn in is quick but imprecise, and while feedback towards third base is reasonable, she sometimes tightens up for no reason! It’s like playing a Sega Rally arcade game! Even slowing things down leads to reluctancy – a firm kick is required to make her stop! And she’s not an overly forgiving ride either!

At least there’s no danger of a romp being zipped up prematurely! Our 89bhp, 101lb ft 1.4 petrol felt even slower than its 12.4 second 0-60mph time! Lie back and think of England! MPG is quoted as 45.6 combined, but keeping up a decent rhythm dropped ours to 32! Too much drink? Venga’s got Brewer’s droop! Sorry Mike! The 89bhp, 162lb ft diesel promises 62.8mpg but takes a tantric 14 seconds to get to 60mph – that’s automotive celibacy! To the convent you go Venga!

But, surely we’re being harsh! It’s a Kia supermini-MPV, so it’s cheap enough to forgive the driving problems right? It’s marginal! You’ll need £13k to get a 1.4 petrol engine, air con, electric windows, alloys and metallic paint… that’s only £1k less than the more spacious, quicker, sexier, comfier C3 Picasso with the same spec! Although the Kia does have ESP so at least you’ll arrive safely!

And the standard ESP helps to highlight who the Venga’s been made for! Safety conscious Vicar types in BHS coats! They can arrive without harm! And let’s not forget Kia’s 7 year warranty! People with stout shoes will love that! Extra safe! For these folk with teasmaids who kiss on the cheeks and go straight to sleep, the warranty alone is enough to overlook the fumbling dynamics and occasionally lumpy comfort! And we’re happy for them! You might have a better ride in a C3 Picasso… but you’ll come anyway in the Venga!

Just like kids always tell outlandish lies to their mates, motorshows always feature ridiculous concept cars. As fictional as the powertrains and styling may be, they at least serve as a statement of intent, showing what technology the R&D department is spending its money on, and what direction a manufacturer’s style house is heading. Here are the best concepts of Geneva 2010.

Citroen Survolt

At Frankfurt, Citroen had the unfortunately named Revolte – a fictional car apparently designed for Penelope Pit Stop. At Geneva, they ran with the ‘girl racer’ theme and showed off the Survolt – an electric, two-door sports car which had lots of pink on it.

We asked Citroen man whether the little eye lashes were hinting at the shape of future Citroen daytime running lights, and whether the size and shape of the car (a Megane sized, Scirocco bating coupe) hinted at a future model, but he didn’t confirm or deny. Which means ‘well, yes… probably. But the boss in France has told me to keep schtum.’ Nice looking car, with a hint of Veyron on the shoulders. Because you’re worth it.

Ferrari 599 HY-KERS

Not a Ferrari designed for the strong-legged hiking community, but one built with a Formula One style KERS hybrid system. It’s just a concept at the moment, but Ferrari have been running a car with a similar system for nearly a year, so similar technology is likely to trickle down – the California will come with a stop/start system soon, for a start.

SEAT IBE

A quiet surprise from SEAT was their little electric shooting break/hatch, which is apparently running on similar gubbins to VW’s UP city car. It’s got a 75kW electric motor which can whiz it to 62mph in less than 10 seconds, because it only weighs around a tonne.

It might turn out to just be pure fiction, but with the VW Group having the UP and Bluesport electric cars, it’s not hard to imagine the next Leon, Ibiza or new SEAT coming with an electric powertrain.

Porsche 918 Spyder Plug-In Hybrid

This was the shock of the show, catching everyone by surprise when it was unveiled on Monday night. It looked stunning, with wheels, lines and vents that begged to be put into production… which might not be as far away as first appears – rumours have it that this will be the Carrera GT’s replacement.

It’s easy to sneer at the stats for being works of pure fiction, but Porsche aren’t usually ones to invent figures without serious groundwork behind them, so here’s hoping all this can be real: 500bhp V8, 218bhp electric motor, 70g.km of CO2, 94mpg and 0-62mph in 3.2 seconds. Porsche also claim it laps the Nurburgring quicker than the Carrera GT. Keep an eye out for it – they’ve kept it secret for this long after all.

Geneva 2010 was a cracking show for actual cars that human people will soon be driving in the real world. So good in fact, that we’ve had to make a list just so you can take it all in. We’ve supplemented our shitty iPhone snaps with press pics to help you see too.

Nissan Juke

Yeah yeah, it’s just a small crossover… but look at it. The Juke is proper mental. Nissan have already proved their ability to judge what people want to buy when they released the Qashqai – it appealed to everyone from Focus to 4×4 to Mondeo buyers.

The Juke is going to slot under the Qashqai when it goes on sale in October at around £13k. And don’t forget that these days, that’s the price of a mid-spec Fiesta or Polo, so there’s every chance that the Juke could ‘do a Qashqai’ to the supermini market. Seeing as it’s being built in Sunderland by the good men of the North, hopefully it’ll do well.

Citroen DS3 Racing

All of Citroen’s new cars were actually bloody interesting – but amongst the fictional concepts, the DS3 Racing was the quiet star. When was the last time Citroen made a car that made you want to drive it? We can’t remember either.

Despite the fact they’ve been building up a cracking rally reputation for a good few years, Citroen have taken a while to cash in on it – which is what the DS3 Racing comes in, being tweaked by the same chaps that build Loeb’s company car. It’s got a 200bhp 1.6 Turbo, wider track, stiffened and lowered suspension and twiddled ECU to make it quick… probably quick enough to hit 60mph in less than 7 seconds.

It’ll go on sale in the summer, and Citroen man didn’t disagree when we suggested it would cost just shy of £20k. Citroen man also told us that because only 1,000 will be made, the DS3R might not be available with the level of customisation found on the standard car – if they’re all grey and orange with the wheels of the show car, that won’t be a bad thing. It’s not just the Audi A1 that’s going to bother the Mini Cooper S.

Aston Martin Cygnet

In a radical move of assertion, we asked a man at Aston Martin if they were actually going to build the Toyota iQ based luxury city car – the man said ‘we are intending to produce the Cygnet before the end of the year’. He also commented how the chassis of the iQ will remain 100% intact as the Toyota becomes an Aston, without even changes to bushes, dampers or spring rates. The Aston Martin Cygnet will drive exactly like a Toyota iQ. Gosh

Prices are speculative at the moment, but Aston Martin didn’t dismiss us when we said we’d heard they’d start at £30k – Aston man also said it was more than likely that the car would initially be sold to current customers, with the aim to put it on general sale.

The interior of the show car wasn’t anywhere near to production finish, but the architecture and style reflected how the final car will look – and, to be honest, wasn’t impressive. While the outside of the car at least has a nod towards an Aston face with token styling cues, the architecture of the iQ interior remains – which simply doesn’t feel like enough effort to justify the extra cost over the Toyota. Final judgement has to wait until we’ve all seen a final car, but we’re more worried than ever that the Cygnet could really tarnish Aston’s good name.

Audi A1

Swiss motoring journalists couldn’t get enough of the little Audi, which shows just how subtly mature the well resolved styling is. It looks even smarter and well proportioned in the flesh with a stocky stance and beautiful headlight jewellery. Bizarrely, we stood staring at the A1 for longer than we did the Pagani Cinque Roadster.

We’ve always had a worry that the A1’s smart exterior could be let down by a less impressive, built to a price interior – but if the show car’s anything to go by, that won’t be a problem. While some of the materials and buttons weren’t quite as intricately damped as those in a bigger, pricier Audi it still had more than enough quality and tactility to make the starting price of £13k seem like ruddy good value.

Options will be key though – the daytime running lights, swooping roof line and smart wheels all need paying extra for, or the A1 will look drab and be worth nothing come resale. Bloody hell, what sensible advice. Goes on sale this Autumn.

Ford Focus

This could be the world’s biggest selling car when it goes on sale in the US, China and Europe next year. It’s fairly important. The styling of the outside was still raising eyebrows, with smart details like the triangular front grilles and funky fuel filler flap looking good, but perhaps one too many creases down the side and awkward rear lights. Shouldn’t every Focus ever have upright rear lights?

The interior is a much happier place – smart and premium looking, as well as being a lot more interesting than the current car. There were some rough edges on the pre-production show car, but the smart centre joystick and climate/radio layout already felt familiar and ergonomically sound. Nice leather dash top with bright yellow stitching all over too.

Perhaps more interestingly than the interior is the fact that Ford man told us that the next hot Focus, which won’t necessarily be called the RS, won’t come with a 5 cylinder engine as the current RS engine isn’t Euro V compliant so will be dropped. It was more than hinted that the top hot 2011 Focus would be running a 2.0 litre turbocharged four cylinder engine – perhaps a tuned version of the new car’s new Ecoboost motor. They’re already claiming that the new Focus is a sportier drive than any previous model, and that it’ll be even more of a revelation than the current Fiesta is. Which is good.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Honda made hot hatch fans sigh, with the Civic Type R Mugen – all the visual glitz of the 240bhp Mugen Type R, but only the standard 198bhp output. ‘Lotus’ revealed their new F1 car, which will be driven by Trulli and Kovalainen. And Citroen showed off their pretty DS High Rider Concept, showing what the imminent DS4 will look like.

The Citroen C-Crosser is a 7 seat, diesel only, 40mpg, fairly massive 4×4 that in Exclusive trim costs £27k. It will appeal to folk who live in the country with children who occasionally bring their mates home. Families who can afford a new car, but struggle to justify spending over £30k on a Discovery. Pleasant humans who want something that can deal with the pitted, muddy track to the stable without bottoming out. It will make these people very happy. As a sensible, rugged, reasonably affordable family car with a couple of spare seats in the back, it’s good. Very good.

It’s good at doing stuff it doesn’t need to bother with too. Like going round corners. We spent a whole weekend driving it round the Cotswolds, and on more than one occasion deliberately drove straight back where we’d come from just for the hell of it. Obviously, the C-Crosser is no Saxo VTS – there’ll certainly be no inside wheel cocking, lift-off oversteer or hairpin handbraking. But, considering it weighs 1750kg and takes 11 secs to get to 62mph, its fleet footed bend taking ability is a gentle shock, especially given that the ride is still perfectly composed and comfortable.

Perhaps a Mazda CX-7 feels tighter, and perhaps a BMW X1 is quicker to change direction – but the C-Crosser has a more fluid, better-resolved ability to manage both bumps and corners simultaneously, shrinking around you and being easy to place on the road. The similarly priced Mazda and BMW don’t have 7 seats either. It’s not supernaturally good, just much better than it has any right to be. You can enjoy it.

Some of the fun can be attributed to the new ‘DCS’ double clutch gearbox, a £1200 option. Snicking it across to manual and using the massive wheel mounted paddles adds to the involving nature of the chassis. And, if we’re being picky, this also avoids the auto mode’s occasional tendency to languish in an optimistically high gear, below where the peak 200lb ft of torque steps in at 2,000rpm. The only other downside to the DCS is an environmental one – figures of 38.7mpg and 192g/km of CO2 aren’t as pleasant as the manual’s 40.4mpg and 185g. No biggy though… the smooth auto changes help the big Citroen’s refinement.

The C-Crosser’s other bonus feature is a usefully robust 4wd system. A dial lets you choose between FWD, occasional 4WD if the fronts lose grip, or locked 4WD. Admittedly, we didn’t blat up any mountains to test it to the limits, but over rough, slippy, pitted dirt tracks where the back wheels were at least being called into action, the C-Crosser felt perfectly happy acting agriculturally. Seeing as it’s been co-developed with Mitsubishi (who rebadge it and sell it as an Outlander), this impression should at least have some objective backing – they’re pretty handy at the 4×4 business.

It’s only when you stop moving and look around the interior that negativity starts to creep in. The heating dials feel flimsy, with materials that are bettered by the new C3, which costs £10k less. The £1690 optional sat nav has the iffy ergonomics you’d find in an aftermarket Halfords job – and like too many factory fit sat navs, you can’t change the CD track or radio station if you’re using the navigation. The rear seats are only very temporary too. But that’s about it. The C-Crosser is a surprising car… not just because of how well it achieves what it set out to, but because it offers much more than you’d expect.

With the Justin Timberlake photo, smug speccy man shot and nasty footballer video, the Audi A1 was at risk of being annoying before it even existed. Lots of viral marketing, very little information on the car. Thankfully, Audi have now released some tangible factage and unobscured photos… and it looks sharp and tidy.

The styling has stayed impressively close to the concept, right down to the sweepy aluminium roof line that can be specced in various colours. There will be three engines at launch, all of which are turbo-blowered; a 1.2 TFSI petrol with 85bhp and 118lb ft, a 1.4 TFSI petrol with 120bhp and 148lb ft and a 1.6TDI with 104bhp and a chunky 184lb ft.

All will do over 55mpg and all will emit less than 120g/km of CO2 – although the 1.4 will creep over these figures if you don’t spec the optional S-Tronic double clutch gearbox. The diesel is currently quoted as 102g/km of CO2, which seems tantalisingly close to the sub-100g needed for a free tax disc – perhaps they’ll have a twiddle to make it 99g before launch.

Prices are expected to start at around £13k when it goes on sale at the end of the year, with all models coming with alloys, air con, ESP and an e-diff as standard. Audi are making a big deal of the customisation options on the A1 too, with the possibility of flashing LED lights in your speakers (Kia Soul got there first), daytime running lights (just don’t), DAB radio, sat-nav, Bluetooth and various cosmetic twiddlings for inside and out.

An A1 with the right spec of 1.4 TFSI, S-Tronic and sat-nav will easily be nudging £20k – but as Mini have taught us, people will pay almost anything for a small, chic, driveable car that makes them feel posh. To that effect, it might not even matter if the Citroen DS3 proves to be equally small, chic and driveable for less cash. Nonetheless, we like it… especially the shape of the headlights. And if they’ve managed to stick the interior together with their usual finesse, it’ll definitely have one over on the Mini.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Pictures of Citroen’s new DS3-R leaked onto the internet, with rumours suggesting it’ll have a 200bhp 1.6l petrol engine and sub-7 sec 0-60 time. Toyota issued a recall of all mk3 Prius’s built before 27^th January 2010, to have a brake software update. And Vauxhall/Opal guvna Nick Reilly said he expects the company to be back in profit by 2012.

Seems that during the last decade, Japanese manufacturers weren’t being as tight with the QC as they’d have us believe. In the last few days, both Honda and Toyota have recalled enormous quantities of motors to make sure they’re not going to drive off randomly or catch fire. And, because of the shared platforms of the Toyota Aygo, Citroen C1 and Peugeot 107, PSA had to call some back too. Seeing as it’s all over the news and people are getting in a bit of a tizz, we thought we’d do the sensible thing and put all the recall details in one place:

Toyota

The problem

Certain accelerator pedal mechanisms may, in rare instances, mechanically stick in a partially depressed position or return slowly to the idle position.

The symptom

Car gets faster when you don’t really want it to.

The solution

1.8 million cars across Europe are being recalled, to have a strengthening plate fitted to the accelerator mechanism that stops it from sticking.

Affected cars:

Aygo (Feb 2005 – Aug 2009)

iQ (Nov 2008 – Nov 2009)

Yaris (Nov 2005 – Sep 2009)

Auris (Oct 2006 – 5 Jan 2010)

Corolla (Oct 2006 – Dec 2009)

Verso (Feb 2009 – 5 Jan 2010)

Avensis (Nov 2008 – Dec 2009)

RAV4 (Nov 2005 – Nov 2009)

Toyota will contact all customers effected, but if you want to pester them call Toyota GB Customer Relations on 0800 1388 744. The parts needed for the fix are expected to arrive in the UK early next week, with customers being contacted at around the same time.

Honda

The problem

Electric window switches may short circuit if exposed to water.

The symptom

The electric window switch catches fire.

The solution

A global recall of 646,000 Jazz’s, 171,372 of which are from the UK, to either have a new electric window switch fitted or a waterproof skirt fitted to the current one.

Affected cars

Honda Jazz 2001 – 2008.

Citroen and Peugeot

The problem

The Citroen C1 and Peugeot 107 are made in the same Czech factory as the Toyota Aygo and could suffer the same sticking accelerator.

The symptom

Accidentally starting a race with a Toyota Aygo.

The solution

PSA are recalling up to 100,000 C1s and 107s to have the same modifications to their accelerator mechanisms as the Toyota Aygo.

Affected cars

All Peugeot 107s and Citroen C1s.

So now you know.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Toyota announced a pedal reinforcing remedy to the 1.8million European cars it’s recalling for sticking accelerator pedals, Peugeot and Citroen confirmed they’re recalling C1s and 107s to fix the same problem and Honda recalled the Jazz from 2001-2008 to fix a dodgy electric window switch. Meanwhile, F1 cars were testing in Valencia, with Schumacher being quicker than his teammate Rosberg.

Jazz Fag

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

Mercedes announced pricing and details for their massive E-Class estate – prices from £29,785, a boot of 1,950 litres, up to 49.6mpg and AdBlue on the E350 BlueTec diesel. Red Bull released a snazzy video of Sebastian Buemi driving on ice in Canada, to celebrate F1’s return to the country. And there were some rumours of Citroen making a DS3 hot hatch.

Digesting the news… then spewing it out in 60 words

The Autosport International Show started, with the unveiling of various new or revised road/race cars – a Lotus Evora GT4 racer, Porsche GT3 R and Ginetta G40 being the most interesting. Kimi Raikkonen drove his C4 WRC car for the first time. And Nissan announced its 370Z Roadster will cost an unbelievably tempting £29,900 when it goes on sale in March.

We don’t usually bother reporting the arrival of new MPVs, but because of a little known sub-clause in the car hack’s rule book, we’re going to make an exception. We’re referring of course to Rule 65.3.8: ‘any motor vehicle which features suicide doors is worth at least 100 words’. Best show you Vauxhall’s new Meriva then, because your eyes are not deceiving you… look at the apertures on that:

Ahead of its official unveiling at the Geneva Motor Show in March, Vauxhall have released some piccies and details to give us a rough idea of how much more interesting than the last Meriva it will be. As well the ‘FlexDoors’, the rear slidey/foldey seats are apparently simpler to shove about, there’s obviously the option of a panoramic roof and a new dash feature called ‘FlexRail’ which lets you move and mount various cubbies and bins where suits best. How sensible.

It looks a bit snazzier too, with a vaguely Citroen kink to the window line and the ‘blade’ scallop from the Insignia and Astra down the side – definitely smarter, but perhaps not as hip-dad friendly as a C3 Picasso. It’s got a longer wheelbase and wider track than the current car, and will come with six different turbocharged engines to help keep efficiency up. It’ll go on sale in the UK in June.

Right, that’s 200 words now – the rulebook has been followed. As you were.